I'm fine
by StreetlightsAndRaindrops
Summary: Mathew has moved to england, and started highschool there. His father is away on business, so he has to look after himself. PruCan fluff and stuff... the story will get better, so bear with it... ;
1. Day one

** Yay New story! I'll keep updating the other story too ^_^ I just had to get this written out, and there's one more I'm working on at the moment, but I really wanted to get this done. I think this one will be quite fun to write, and a little difficult at the same time, because I'm trying to write it in present tense, and I'm not great at that, but it sounds better for what I want it to be. Without stalling anymore, I'll just let you read this :D**

Today's my first day at high school and I'm really nervous! I have to get up really early, because I live two miles away from school, and I didn't get enough money to take the bus every day, and school starts at 8:40, so I have to leave at about 7:15 if I want to make it on time, because I don't walk very fast. I get out of the door at 7:00, so I should be extra early today; that's good, because it's my first day, but I've already said that. It's still quite warm, because summer is still hanging in the air, so the walk is really rather pleasant. I live in the countryside, so I get to walk past all the fields every day, and I really like how they look; especially at this time of year. My bag is really light, but that's because all I have in it is my pencil case, because they give us all of our books at school… apparently.

I've not been to school before, because my dad and I were always traveling around, mostly around Canada, because a lot of his business is there, but I've been all over the world with him, even though he usually just left me in the hotel rooms, usually with the women he'd bring back. Sometimes he had to bring me into meetings though, but he kept reminding me before them to be quiet, and to try not to draw any attention to myself, because it made him look bad. I didn't want to upset anyone, so I just stayed quiet. The meetings were really, really boring, and all I could do was read whatever book I had brought with me, or listen to my mp3 player. I didn't mind; it was what I was used to.

To be honest, it's been really hard getting used to living like I do now, in one place, and without anyone, but my Dad says that I'm old enough to look after myself, and I really should go to school, but I heard him muttering something to his colleague along the lines of "He's just not cute enough to bring around to meetings anymore, or to hang around with the girls I hook up with." But I don't mind. I don't want to get in the way of his work. Where I live now is in England, but I hear that the school I go to is full of people from all over the world. I'm also not used to wearing a uniform every day, because uniforms are weird.

When I get to the school, the princip- I mean headmistress shows me around and sends me to my tutor group to be registered. I'm given a planner ( A book which I'm meant to write homework in, and keep track of my lessons in.) and am told to sit next to one of the boys at the back. He has white hair and red eyes, and is very noisy for some reason.

"Hey! I've never seen you before!" he says loudly. He sounds a little like some of the people I heard in Germany, but I'm not sure.

"I'm new." I say quietly; I'm not really used to talking to people, and usually I try to stay unnoticed, because speaking up gets me in trouble.

"Vhat year you in?" he asks me interestedly. Years are the same as grades, and I would be in the 7th grade.

"7th year?" I say unsurely.

"Ha ha ha ha! You mean year 7! That's so adorable! Where are you from anyvays?"

"Canada?" that's technically correct, but I travelled so much, it didn't feel like I had a home.

"Wow! Alfred's from America! You should go say hi!" he points out the loud boy sat next to a loud group of others. I shy back in my seat. I've never had to deal with groups of people of that size before… or at all. I never had much time for socializing when we travelled, but sometimes I'd meet people to talk to for a little while, like another child in the hotel, or at the airport. Everyone here seemed so loud as well; it was quite scary.

"I dunno, he seems kinda loud…" I say nervously; trying not to sound unpleasant. The boy just looks at me and asks my name. "Mathew." I say quietly. It was the only thing my mother chose for me, before she left me with my dad and never showed up again, but my dad doesn't like to talk about it, so we don't.

"Gilbert." He says grinning. "I'm awesome!" I recline into my seat a little more, if that would even be possible. Maybe I would just not go to school, and tell my dad I've been going, it's not like he would find out or anything. "Sup?" he ask suddenly, noticing my discomfort.

"I'm just not used to being around this many people…" I say truthfully.

"Didn't you go to primary school?" I think that's the same as elementary school, but I didn't go to one of those either…

"I-I was… home schooled." I say, trying to think of a reason that would at least be partially correct. I did teach myself bits and pieces, and I did learn an awful lot about business when I used to sit through the meetings. I just stare at my clammy hands in my lap and try not to be noticed by anyone, because they might not want me there.

"Vhat lesson have you got first?" Gilbert asks me. I check in my planner, and find my timetable on the first page. "Sweet, you have the same lesson as me!" he proclaims loudly.

"But aren't you older than me?" I ask.

"Yeah, but my group can't cope with my awesome, so I got held back… twice." He sounds a little annoyed by this, but I try not to let it bother me.

"So you should be in year 9?" he nodded, but then he grinned widely, nudging the boy next to him.

"Vhat do you Vant, bruder?" the boy sounds annoyed.

"I get way less homework than you do, don't I Ludwig?" he says smirking.

"Stop saying it like it's a good thing, you get less homework, because you will be forever held back until you actually do some vork!" the boy turns to me and says "My name is Ludwig; feel free to ask for help, everyone else seems to…"

"LUDWIG! LUDDY! WAH!" another boy runs up to the desk desperately. He's crying and loud. I sink into my chair even more. "Someone said my elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor, but I don't even have an elevator! WAH! I don't understand!" the boy speaks half the speed of sound, and flails his arms around a lot. The blond boy just sighs.

"Don't worry, it's nothing Feliciano. Calm down." He's pinching the bridge of his nose and sounds lie this has happened lots of times before.

"Oh, hey! I don't know you! What's your name?" Feliciano says loudly to me. He's completely stopped crying, and now looks really exited…

"M-Mathew." I say quietly.

"Oh, that's cool! My name it Feliciano! You can call me Feli though if you'd prefer!" he seems to shout everything in a really peppy way. He also seems to use his arms a lot when he talks; I've not seen anyone like that before, except when I was in Florence for a while. The boy runs away again and starts talking to the loud one Gilbert pointed out earlier, so I turn back towards him.

"…Why is everyone so loud?" I ask awkwardly, thinking about how everyone seems to be shouting over each other, but the teacher just stands there looking annoyed.

"Zats how people are. You're just quiet, Birdie."

"Birdie?" I say questioningly. I've never been given a nickname before, my Dad has called me names before, but it wasn't the same somehow.

"Ja! It suits you!" he says grinning. I wasn't sure if it was endearing, or not. He seems to like it though, so I just smile and go along with what he says. My Dad used to call me things, but they were different, and it was when he was shouting at me for something. I hated it when he shouted at me, so I always tried to keep out of his way. Everyone at the school shouts, but they seem happy, instead of angry; so I guess it's ok.

"Um, ok" I say smiling a little; trying to seem a little less nervous. When the bell rings, I jump in shock. I'm not used to things like this. I clamp my hand over my mouth, realizing the squeak that I'd let out. I blush, noticing a few people look at me, laughing. I sink down in my seat until Gilbert nudges me, grinning.

"Ze bell means zhat we have to go to our next lesson. You're adorable!" he says laughing and getting up. I stand up and pick up my bag, still blushing. I want to go home, and curl up in my bed, or eat some pancakes, but instead I'm here. I've made a fool of myself, and I haven't even had my first lesson yet. "Come on, let's go." He says, shrugging his bag over his shoulder. I follow him, not knowing where my lesson was. "We've got English first." He says, pulling my wrist. I feel myself going red; feeling his hand gripping my wrist. I never had much physical contact with people, except when they accidentally bumped into me because they hadn't seen me. This is different. He is pulling me firmly with his warm hand, and I feel like someone cares.

When we get to the classroom, he is still holding my wrist but I don't say anything, because I don't want him to let go. He turns to face me; then notices that he is holding my hand and lets go blushing. I can still feel where his hands were on mine, but the feeling is fading. I stare at him for a moment; not saying anything. He stares back at me, a little red in the face. Suddenly the teacher calls the class into the classroom, and tells me to stand at the front and introduce myself to the class properly. I go red, standing in front of the class. "M-my name is Mathew Williams, and I moved here from Canada. I was home-schooled before I came here, and it's nice to meet you." I say, trying to sound more confident than I am.

"What are your hobbies, Mathew?" the teacher asks.

"O-oh, I like hockey and reading… I don't have many hobbies." I say. I hadn't been expecting questions.

"That's lovely. Why did you move here?" I don't like how many questions she's asking, and I don't like talking in front of the class like this either. I shift a little and clear my throat before I answer.

"I moved here, because- because it's quiet, and my Dad likes England." My dad had said about how much he enjoyed spending time in England, more than anywhere else, but I could never understand why. I still don't. It rains a lot, and is cold… everything is expensive and the people are loud. I go to take the only empty seat which is by the loud American boy.

"Hey! So you're from Canada huh?" he says excitedly. I just nod, and try to pay attention to the lesson, but occasionally I get small parts of what he says "So, Feli and I decided to go halves and buy one!" I just nodded "I miss my McDonalds, the one in town is tiny, and the large fries are tiny too!" he just keeps talking…

**Wooo! New story! Writing in present tense -.- so difficult! I just thought it would make the story better… there will be more, this story will be continued. Reviews are love and so are favourites. Please be nice, because I'm still new to this ^_^**


	2. My first

**So, I didn't think anyone would read this… I was wrong… again. Because of its overnight success, I shall commence writing more chapters. Enjoy ^_^**

After the first two lessons we have a break time, and Gilbert has taken me to meet his friends. "Zis is Antonio, and Lovino." He states, gesturing to the boys. One of them is smiling, but the other is just angry and is brushing off the other's affection. "You two, zis is Mathew!" he says putting an arm around my shoulder. I jump, blushing. He just laughs "He's so jumpy! It's adorable!" I blush, looking at my feet. I didn't want this attention, nor did I want any of this.

"It's nice to meet you; I'm Antonio." The smiling one says, shaking my hand excitedly.

"Si, great to meet you…" the other one says, sounding sarcastic.

"Don't mind Lovi, he just doesn't like people do you?" Antonio says, poking Lovino's cheek.

"Get off, bastard!" the boy smacked Antonio's hand away, but the Spanish boy didn't seem at all petered by the rebuffment. Instead, he just smiles and turns back towards me.

"So, what do you think of the school?" he asks smiling.

"Oh- um, it's very nice here. It's quite loud though…" I say nervously. I hate being asked questions, and I've never been centre of attention, so I'm not used to it. Antonio nods and asks where I'm from; I just tell him I'm from Canada, and he seems satisfied. Suddenly, Gilbert starts laughing, and undoes the top buttons on his shirt. A small yellow bird flies out and circles his head before landing on it. I just stare at the bird in amazement that it was in his shirt the whole time and I never noticed.

"Zis," he says pointing to the bird "Is Gilbird!" he proclaims proudly. The bird tweets happily and flies down to his shoulder "I'm sorry I didn't let you out, but my teacher says I can't have you in class." He says petting it. "I don't know why…you're awesome, just like me!" he coos at the little bird, and pets its feathers. I don't have any pets; the closest thing I have to a pet is my polar bear, bear called Kumajiro. He doesn't even know who I am. The bird starts twittering above his head, flying in circles. I watch it, not knowing what else to do until my thoughts get interrupted by the loud albino "Kesesesesesese! So you like my awesome Gilbird? We have to go to our next lesson, birdie." He says, pulling my wrist again. I don't blush as much as before when he does it, but the warmth of his hands is still all I can think about as he pulls me through the crowd.

The next lesson we have is Geometry, and I sit next to him this time, instead of the loud American boy. "So, you live really far avay… do you walk here every day?" he asks curiously.

"I guess so… I never really thought much about it to be honest." I say.

"I should come around some time."

"I can't have guests." I say quickly

"Never?"

"Ever."

"Vhy not?" he asks, trying to figure out why I had been so blunt about it.

"My dad is very busy working, and guests would distract him from it." I lie. I can't have guests, because people might get in touch with social services if they find out that he's left me in the house alone.

"Oh… zat's totally not awesome!" he says sympathetically. "Didn't you have any friends in Canada?" he asks.

"Not really… I stayed at home most of the time." I say. It's not really lying, but my dad said I shouldn't mention the fact we travelled so much, in case people get suspicious. Gilbert looks at me in a mixture of shock and amazement.

"Wow! You never had friends… Vell, from now I am your friend, and so are Antonio, Lovino, and my little bruder if you want." He says wrapping an arm around my shoulders again. I'm a bit more used to having people touch me, but it's still weird.

"I thought Ludwig was older than you…" I say quietly. He just scoffs and tells me it's because Ludwig is too uptight like their dad and Rodreich, but I don't know who Rodreich even is. "W-who's Rodreich?" I ask nervously. I'm still worried that I will say something wrong and he'll start treating me the way my dad does.

"He's my other brother… he's younger zan me, but got put ahead like Ludwig…" he looks a little bitter, so I don't ask any more about it. I guess that compared to his brothers, he is a delinquent, and he said that his father was uptight like his brothers, so he probably doesn't like it when all of his children, but one are doing so well. "Anyvay, I vas vondering if you'd like to hang out at mine after school?" his face isn't bitter anymore, and it now holds a smug grin.

"Um, I guess so. My dad probably won't mind, considering that he's probably too buried under his paperwork to notice." I say. My dad wouldn't even notice; he won't be back at home for another five weeks.

"Awesome! Zen it's settled." He says proudly. I smile, but jump again when he bell rings. I hear him mutter "Adorable."

At the end of the day, we walk to his house together. The town is pretty; much quieter than the cities I'd stayed in, but I prefer it to be quiet. The houses in the suburb are really big compared to my cottage, and they all look modern and nice. All I've ever lived in has been cheap hotel rooms and my cottage, so these big houses are breath-taking to me. I hardly notice when we get to his doorstep, because I'm still taking in my surroundings.

When he opens the door, I'm greeted with perfectly clean surroundings and gleaming surfaces. When I step inside, I copy Gilbert and take my shoes off, not wanting to dirty the meticulously clean floor.

"Ve can hang out in my room." He says, barrelling up the stairs. I follow him quickly; worried I'll get lost and not be able to find my way. His room is messy; there are clothes and empty beer cans scattered about the floor. He sits on his bed, so I follow suit and sit beside him. He pulls a couple of cans from under his bed "Beer?" he asks holding one up to me. I take it, trying to be polite and take a sip. It's bitter and I don't really like it, but I don't want to offend him so I drink it anyway, because it gives me something to do. Someone knocks on the door, so he gets up and answers it, beer still in hand. "Hallo, bruder. Vat do you vant?" he says to the boy at the door. The boy is taller than him, but Gilbert is apparently the oldest, so I guess he must be short for someone in his family.

"Ugh, you room is a mess, Vati says you have to clean it." The boy looks in disgust at the room "Vait, who's zat? Did vati say you could have a guest?" suddenly I'm nervous. What if I got him into trouble? I should have declined his invitation and just gone home.

"Vati didn't say I couldn't have guests today." He reasons, sounding snide and laughing at his brother. His brother looks over at me again, frowning.

"Do vant me to tell vati to make extra dinner tonight?" he says irritated. He glances at me again, but then glares back at Gilbert.

"Ja, ja. Vatever. Tell vati I have a guest; he won't do anything. Ludwig alvays has Feli around." He says boredly, closing the door on his brother's face. He turns back towards me, and sits beside me again. "Rodreich acts like he actually he stick up his ass… he needs to loosen up a bit." He says, still grinning. I don't say anything, but take another sip of the beer he gave me. "Anyvay, you want to do something fun?" he says looking deviously.

"Fun, like what?" I ask curiously.

"Fun like zis." He pulls me closer to him, and kisses me. My eyes go wide, and I can feel my heart pounding in my chest, and my insides tense up. He pulls away, grinning. "Ha, you're so red. You really are adorable, Birdie." I blush even more, and look at my hands because I can't look at his face without blushing even more. He just took my first kiss. I don't even know what I think. Is this normal? My father brought around lots of women, but some of his colleges had wives and girlfriends. Was I supposed to feel this way towards a guy, and was it supposed to happen so fast? I felt something warm against my hands; then I noticed that he'd taken them "Birdie, I really like you. Look at me." I look up at his face, still blushing madly and see him grinning.

"What?" I just stare at him confused. His expression changes again.

"I forgot you didn't have friends, did you?" he looks more kindly at me "I'm sorry. I shouldn't ha-" I shock even myself as I close the gap between us, and kiss him. I don't really know what I'm doing, but he seems to have a better idea. I try to copy what he did the first time, but I don't know how well I'm doing it. I've never kissed someone like this before. I pull away, and run a hand through my hair nervously. His face breaks into a huge grin, and he pulls me into a tight hug.

"Y-you're crushing me…" I manage to croak out. He lets go, but is still grinning.

"So… vas zat your first kiss?" he asked excitedly.

"Um, I-I guess so…" I reply, not knowing what to think.

"Do you want to try it again?" he asked grinning. I just nod my head slightly, not knowing what else to do. He moves in slowly, his lips are kind of wet, but I think they're meant to be like that. It's a little different this time, because we had both been expecting it. After a short while, we both get the hang of it, and it feels more pleasant than weird and uncomfortable. There's another knock on the door, so he gets up again, wiping his mouth a little. I do the same and watch as he opens the door. It's Ludwig this time, and he looks curiously over at me before informing Gilbert that dinner is ready.

We go downstairs, and there is a large meal at the table. I haven't had this much food in a really long time, because kids meals are cheap and small in restaurants, and I can't afford to buy much. Everyone starts to pile food on their plates, so I follow suit. There's a blonde man at the table with long hair, who I can only assume is their father. Ludwig looks just like him, except with shorter hair. Rodreich is there too, and Feliciano, but he's too absorbed in his food to be quite as noisy. "Who is zis, Gilbert?" their father asks.

"Zis, is Mathew… also known as Birdie." He proclaims, gesturing towards me, like he had done when he was introducing me to his friends. I blush a little, having the all look at me with curious eyes.

"Vhere does he live, so I can give him a lift home?" he asks formally. Gilbert looks over at me, indicating that I say something.

"U-um… I can walk home; I really don't want to be a bother." I say quickly, knowing that if they see my house it could all be over. His father looks suspiciously at me, but the nods and says that the offer will still stand if I change my mind.

Once everyone has eaten, it is starting to get dark, so I explain that I have to go home, or my dad will worry. I really just don't want to have to walk home in the pitch black, because the country roads don't have street lights. I say thank you to his father for dinner, and for having me, and say bye to everyone else and leave.

It's starting to get a little cold, so I hurry my pace a little, still trying to figure out what happened, in my head. Was he my boyfriend? Did that make me gay? Did I like him like that at all, or was it just what people did when others kissed them? If I did like him like that, could I keep lying to him like this? I feel guilt in the pit of my stomach as I make it home.

It's 19:00 on my clock, which means I still have forever before I need to sleep. I decide to make myself some hot chocolate and snuggle into my bed with a book, so I can stay warm. The fireplace is still lit, so my house is quite warm, but I'll have to get some more firewood on the weekend, because I've only got enough to keep the fire burning for four more days. I'm still not used to the fireplace, or the lack of plumbing, but I'm fine with it. I just have to get used to it, because it's not going to change any time soon.

After finishing my hot chocolate, I fall asleep faster than I would have anticipated, and dream about maple syrup and hockey.

**Yay, I finished another chapter :DD**

**Reviews are love, and if you like what I'm writing, please favourite or watch the story ^_^**


	3. Day two

**Yay! Chapter three! There's not much to say here, except thank everyone who has supported this story, so THANK YOU! Yeah... I'll just let you read this now…**

I wake up cold and shivering; the fire must have gone out in the night. I get out of bed slowly, immediately missing the fleeting warmth that the duvet held. I check my watch, and it's 5:30AM, so I shuffle down the stairs and find that the fire has indeed burnt out. I put a few more logs on the fire, and start it up again. Once I'm satisfied by it, I go to the kitchen and start making myself some pancakes. I get out the eggs, milk, flour and maple syrup, and mix the first three in a jug for myself.

Once they're ready, I carefully pour just enough maple syrup on them, because it's expensive in this country, and I can't afford to spend lots of money on it all of the time. I eat them gladly relishing the taste of my favourite food. I check my watch again and I realize that it's now 6:30AM so I need to leave soon. I go upstairs and put on my uniform and brush my hair, being careful of the one curly one which always felt weird if something snagged on it. I pack my schoolbag with the books I was given yesterday, and decide to sit in front of the fire for a while.

The fire is warm and crackling merrily now. I smile, warming my hands in front of the orange flames. It doesn't take long for my mind to wonder to the albino boy who stole my first kiss. He had only just met me, so how could he possibly have fallen in love with me so fast? I watched a lot of television in the hotel rooms my father would leave me in, but most of the relationships… the good ones anyway, were built up over time. Did this mean that it wouldn't work between us, or that he was just rushing things? I'm still confused and unsure of what's happening, but I guess I've never had experience with these things, so I wouldn't know…

It's now 7:15 so I decide that I should really be going to school. I get up and pick up my bag, leaving the house to warm up with the fire. The walk to school is pleasant as it always is, and I'm getting used to living in the cottage too. At first I was at a loss with how I was going to do anything, because there wasn't any hot water, so although I have a toilet and sink and bath, there's no hot water, which means that I have to boil the kettle whenever I want to take a bath, or heat a pan of water over the fire… often both. It also means that there is no central heating in my house, unless you count the fireplace. It's really hard not to miss the hotel rooms that had TV, internet, good plumbing, room service and pillow mints. I have too cook all of my own food, and I can't buy any extras, because if I do I won't have enough money to buy the things I need.

I leave the house, gazing at the exterior of the house. It looks like a traditional English cottage, with the white paint and black beams. There's even a thatched roof that covers the loft, otherwise known as my bedroom. Smoke is puffing out of the chimney merrily, and floating in the breeze above my house. The walk is pleasant enough, but my heavy bag makes it a little more tiring, so I'm glad I left a little extra time for myself to get there.

I walk into the room where we take register, and sit next to Gilbert like last time. "Hey! How are you doing, Birdie!" he says happily, then adds in a whisper "Is it ok if we keep us a secret for now; I don't vant my bruders to mess things up…" I nod, because it means that at school we can just act like friends, and we can take things slowly.

"Ok." I say with a smile. My mind is drawn to the things I would watch on TV in the hotel rooms, and the endless dramas full of things like this. Men were telling their girlfriends not to tell anyone because of some reason or another, but it actually being because that girl wasn't the only one they were seeing. That caused me to worry even more, because he'd kissed me after knowing me for less than a day. Am I the only one, or are there others.

"We have an assembly today, could you all make your way to the main hall please?" There is an eruption of noise, as people get out of their seats to go to the assembly.

"What's an assembly?" I ask, worrying that it's some kind of inspection, or test.

"Aww! Don't vorry, Birdie. Ve just have to sit in the hall for fifteen minutes and listen to the headfrau going on about stuff." He says, shouldering his bag. I get out of my seat and pick up my bag too, following all of the other students. "Looks like it's ze whole school today… Sometimes zey do zem by year groups." He explained.

"Would you go in with the year nines, or the year sevens?" I ask curiously.

"It depends vhat the assembly's about." He says, bored. When we get to the hall, there are teachers hushing students, making sure that everyone is silent, even Gilbert and Alfred who are the loudest people I know. There are lots of rows of seats, like when my father has taken me to a lecture, except instead of businessmen, the room is full of students.

"Welcome to another year, everyone." The head mistress begins "I hope you all had a lovely summer holiday, and are ready for another productive year of learning and experience." I can hear gilbert snort a laugh at this; I guess it's because he probably hasn't learnt anything new in a few years. "I want to tell you all a story from my life about a little girl who was once a student just like all of you." This was going to be about her; everyone could tell… except maybe Feliciano "She was in a situation much like you, trying to decide her future. She took a degree in teaching…" I stop paying attention and look across at Gilbert who is doing something with his phone. Then I notice he's sending messages to his brother which read:

_Hey_

_West_

_I'm_

_Bored_

_This_

_Assembly_

_Is _

_Unawesome_

_You're_

_So_

_Lame_

_Why_

_Don't_

_You_

_Do_

_Something_

_Interesting_

_Like_

_Streak_

_Nude_

_In_

_The_

_Assembly_

_XD_

_The_

_Awesome_

_Gilbert_

_Commands_

_It!_

Each word is sent as a separate text. Gilbert is grinning, as he notices his brother's reaction to the messages. His phone is vibrating every few seconds with a new message, and he's too embarrassed by that to answer it when the head teacher is still talking. I nudge Gilbert and mouth "Won't you get in trouble?" he grins back at me and mouths back.

"I'm too awesome." I am doubtful, but I don't question it, because I don't want a teacher to see me talking… not that they ever really see me. I start to daydream about when I was still living with my father, and we were traveling around together. I'm in a nice hotel room, overlooking the city, and my father has just come home with a woman hanging off of him like usual. She smiles at me, and walks into his bedroom, and he walks up to me and smacks me in the face.

"I told you to stay in your room, you little shit." He grabs me by the collar and thrusts me into the hard door. "I said get in there!" he bellows at me. I nod and dash into the room before he gets any angrier with me. He doesn't follow me in, so I am left alone in a strange room yet again, with a stinging face, and tears beading up in my eyes.

"Mathew… Mathew." I can feel my shoulder being shaken.

"I'm sorry, I won't do it again." I say only half awake. I feel my shoulder being shaken again.

"Mathew! Vhat?" Suddenly I come to, and I see that it was Gilbert shaking my shoulder. "Hey, are you… crying?" he says suddenly.

"Hm? No." I say hastily wiping my eyes.

"What ze fuck, Birdie?" he says, still whispering "It vas like you vere having a nightmare or something. You vere vhimpering and being all pathetic; zen you started crying. It's freaking me out, Birdie." He was looking me dead in the face.

"I-I'm fine." I say quietly "It's nothing, really. Don't worry." I say, sniffing slightly.

"Zat's not nothing, now tell me vat's ze problem?" he says a little more forcefully. I shake my head, and look at my hands. I look up when everyone starts leaving the hall, and get up too, and start walking to my next lesson "Hey, Birdie, geometry's zis vay!" he says pulling me the right way.

"It was just a nightmare… I get them sometimes; that's why I fall asleep during the day." I say at break time, after he forced me to say something.

"Vat vas it about?" he asked, looking concerned.

"N-nothing," I lied "I can't remember." He looks at me doubtfully, but doesn't push the subject.

"Did you vant to come over to mine again tonight?" he asks hopefully.

"No, I can't. I promised Alfred I would go over to his…" I say guiltily, but he seems to be fine with it, and not in the least disappointed.

"Ok, maybe tomorrow, ja?" I nod "And remember zat you're mine, ok?" he says quietly, pulling me towards him a little "You know we're all alone here, Birdie." He pulls my waist closer to him, so that my face is just inches away from his. I can feel a blush creeping up on my face, as I stare into his crimson eyes.

"Y-yeah?" that was enough for him to close the gap between our lips and kiss me. His lips are hot against mine, and his hands feel nice pulling me into him. When the bell rings, I jump breaking the kiss, and blush even more. He just laughs and starts walking with me to my next lesson.

At the end of the day, I meet Alfred by the gate and we walk to his house. "Dude! I have the best idea ever! We could like totally play video games! I've always needed a second player, and my little brother is too young to play my games." I'm not paying much attention to what he's saying, but looking at the houses yet again.

When we get into the house, we're greeted by a French man who must be his father. "Ah bojour, Alfred, and who is this you've brought with you?" he says kindly.

"This is Mathew! He's new!" he declares.

"Well it's nice to meet you, Matheiw." He says kindly. "Would you two like to have a snack before you go upstairs?" he asks kindly. I never got snacks during the day; I especially don't now, considering how little my father gives me to look after myself. Alfred nods, and follows his father into the kitchen "Mathiew, you can call me Francis."

"Who's this?" I hear another voice, but it sound like a more local one.

"Alfred brought a friend home from school today." He says walking up to the other man, and pecking him on the cheek.

"Get off, you idiot!" he says indignantly.

"I will not, I have every right to give my husband a kiss on the cheek!" he laughs. Alfred rolls his eyes muttering something about them being embarrassing. "Anyway, I came here to get snacks for these boys." He says, almost dancing through the kitchen. The other man just rolls his eyes and look over at me.

"I'm Arthur, it's nice to meet you." He says shaking my hand. I shake his hand back, and smile politely.

"Here you are, both of you!" Francis walks over to us and gives us both a muffin each.

"Thank you." I say politely and start to eat the muffin. Alfred doesn't say anything, but eats the muffin with incredible speed and gives Francis the paper. Francis looks a little irritated by this, but he puts the wrapper in the bin anyway. I put my wrapper in the bin, not wanting to be a bother and then follow Alfred to his room.

"So, how about a game of Hero's Duty?"

"What do you do?"

"You have to kill a load of bugs. Sound fun?" he says enthusiastically.

"Yeah, sure…" he gives me a controller, and starts going through the controls quickly, but tells me that It's better to just learn as I play.

We play the game for a few hours, and after a little while I feel like I can actually do a competent job without having to rely on him to have my back constantly. It's quite fun, but I'm not enjoying it as much as Alfred who is shouting at the screen and moving the controller around as he plays. Francis pokes his head around the door, and tells Alfred to pause the game. After a little protesting on Alfred's part, he pauses the game and Francis asks "Mathew, I have made enough food for you to stay for dinner if you would like to and your parents are ok with it." The first think I think is that this is the second day that I haven't had dinner in my home, but it means that I don't have to worry about making food go quite so far which is good.

"I'll call my dad and see if it's ok." I lie. Instead, I dial my home number and leave a message that sounds like I'm talking to my father "Hey dad, I was just wondering if you made dinner yet" I pause "It's just because I was invited to eat at a friend's house today, so if you haven't made anything yet… ok. Yes, I will… love you too… bye" I say hanging up the phone. I've seen my dad on the phone to so many people, that I just know how phone calls sound.

"Ok, then why don't you two wash your hands and sit at the table. I'm serving it now." He says with a smile and walks out again. Alfred races to the bathroom to wash his hands, and I follow after him, rushing slightly to try and keep up.

The food smells amazing, and my plate already has food on, unlike at Gilbert's house last night. It's piled high with nice things, and I eat it all gladly. I skipped lunch again today, so I'm making up for it with this dinner. I skipped lunch, because I forgot to buy bread and couldn't make myself any sandwiches, and I don't have much other food in my house either.

After I've eaten, I say that I should probably go home. I'm offered a lift from Arthur, but I politely decline it and walk home by myself again. I wonder if people's parent's find it insulting if someone doesn't take a lift from them, or if they just offer it as it is the expected thing to do, and don't really care either way.

**Woo! Another chapter! ^_^ I don't have much to say, so here are some questions for you:**

**Is it rude to decline lifts from peoples' parents? (I genuinely don't know this one…)**

**Is Gilbert hiding something from Mathew?**

**How long will it take for Gilbert to get very suspicious of Mathew's home life?**

**How long will it take Alfred to notice… anything?**

**When will Mathew get the bread for his lunch? (He still hasn't been shopping)**


	4. A day out

**Hey there! Sorry I've slowed down a little, but school work is attacking me! … not that I enjoy school work, but I've let homework build up a little ^_^; Anyways, thanks for reading this; I do appreciate every view my stories get, and it always fills me with joy when I get another watcher, of favourite on one of my stories! I should probably stop procrastinating and actually just let you read the story instead of my author's note… On with the story!**

It's been a few weeks since I started going to the school, and I'm finally getting used to it. The bell doesn't make me jump anymore, and I don't need anyone to tell me where my classes are either. It's Saturday today though, so I'm going shopping. I'm not going to buy so much food for dinner though, because I usually eat at Gilbert or Alfred's house. I get my wallet, and see that there is twenty pounds in it, so I can spend ten pounds this week and ten pounds next week. My dad will be back next week, but I don't know how long he'll be staying for.

The supermarket is in town, so it's close enough to walk to. I notice how the leaves on the trees are starting to change colour and will soon fall and need raking. My house is surrounded by trees, so it will be a big job, but I don't want my father to shout at me for leaving anything in a mess. The barley in the fields looks almost ready to harvest, and the sun is making them look as if they're glowing. Mornings are a little cold in my house because it's shaded from the sun by all the trees, but the weather outside is actually quite nice. There isn't a footpath from my house, so I just walk on the grassy bank of the road.

When I get to the supermarket, I pick up a basket and stand under the warm airflow just ahead of the automatic doors. I don't know who came up with that idea, but they were a genius. I look on my list, and see that I need to get:

_Bread_

_Maple Syrup_

_Milk_

_Eggs_

_Flour_

_Butter/margarine_

_Something to put in sandwiches_

_Fruit_

I make sure to get the cheapest of each thing to save as much money as possible; I even have to get the cheap maple syrup just to stay in my budget. As I pick out the value syrup, I see Alfred's dads wheeling a shopping cart down the aisle. I quickly put the syrup into my basket and dash to another aisle. "Mathew?" I hear. I feel my head get hot as I turn and see Arthur looking down at me "What are you doing here?" he asks, with a slight smile.

"I-I'm shopping. I say nervously." I see him eye my basket with an odd expression that I can't place.

"What are you doing in the wine section?" he asked, looking slightly confused.

"Oh- I… I don't know." Say, my face heating up even more. I look around, and see that the shelves are indeed just stacked with various wines. He looks at me doubtfully.

"Where are your parents?" he asks. I feel my insides turn to stone. I'm left staring him in the face, trying to think of a reason that an eleven year old boy would be doing his own shopping, without his parents.

"M-my dad is ill, so he sent me to the shops to pick up a few things…" I say, hoping that it will be enough to convince him. He gives me another odd look, and tells me to come with him for a moment. I follow him to where Francis is standing with the cart. They start talking in hushed voices, but I don't hear what they're saying.

"Why don't we give you a lift home, Mathieu? That basket looks far too heavy for you to carry home all by yourself." Francis said, smiling at me.

"N-no, it's fine. I'm fine, really." I say; I feel sick; I know that if I keep refusing to take lifts they'll get suspicious, but if they see my house they'll call social services and have me taken away. I don't want to be taken away, because my father would be angry. They look at me; then exchange glances, which makes my worry even more. "I-I have to go…" I say, walking quickly away, hoping that they won't follow me.

I go to the self-serve tills, because they have the smallest cue and I just want to get home. I feel my phone buzz in my pocket as I scan the bread. It's Gilbert.

_Heyy! Wanna hang out?_

_GB_

I have to take my shopping home before I can go out with him, because otherwise the milk will go bad, and he'll probably ask questions. I decide to finish scanning the groceries and pay the machine before I answer his text.

_Yeah, sure! I have to do my chores first though, so I'll be around in a couple of hours _

_MW_

I don't want to disappoint him, because he gives me something I've never had before. It's different from how some of the women my father brought home would fawn over me, and want to play with my hair, or teach me French. It's different from how my Dad treats me, praising me with kind words when we're alone, but scolding me when I set a foot out of line. Gilbert loves me. We haven't told anyone, but I never asked him why; I guess he has his own reasons. I'm still worried that maybe it's because there's someone else, but I really hope it isn't.

I hurry back home, lugging the shopping with me as fast as I can, without tiring myself out too much. The plastic bags dig against my hands, making them sore, so I have to keep changing the positions that I use to hold the bags. It's warmed up now too, so I'm all hot and sweaty; I think I'll take a quick bath when I get home. I think about how nice it is to live in the countryside, where the air is so fresh and there aren't many cars, and how much better it is than living in the city like I used to.

When I get home, I put away the groceries, and strip off to take a quick bath. I mostly use cold water, because I want a cold bath, but I heat up some water in the kettle, and in a pot over the fire so that it's not freezing when I get in. Once I finish putting everything away, I pour the hot contents of the kettle, and the large pan into the tub. I carefully lower myself into the tub, wincing because the water's still a little cold, but finding it refreshing none the less. I wash myself quickly, shivering a little in the cool water. When I get out I wrap a towel around my waist and pull the plug out, before drying my hair with another towel quickly.

I dry off quickly, before getting dressed in some jeans; I frown when I see the hole where my knee is, but I fell over when I was wearing them once and tore a hole in them and a T-shirt with the Canadian flag on it which I got before I came to England. I decide to put on a hoodie as well, as it could get colder later on in the day. I pull on my trainers and dash out of the door. It's just past mid-day, so I'll have loads of time to spend with Gilbert. I walk briskly to town, not wanting to be late. When I get to his house, I ring the bell. I'm standing here nervously, hearing the bell chime in three notes, like in a church. After a moment I hear the door opening. "Hallo?" it's Rodreich. He looks at me disapprovingly, which makes me shrink a little under his glare "He's upsta-"before he is able to complete his sentence, Gilbert tackles past him and grabs my arm.

"Let's go!" he says, pulling me along. I wave awkwardly back at Rodreich, who is fixing his hair after it got messed up by Gilbert.

"Where are we going?" I ask, trying to keep up with his run.

"I'm taking you out!" he replies as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. I wonder what he means by taking me out. Does it mean for dinner, or just to the park or something? I don't really care, because his house has a slightly unwelcome feel to it. It seems as if all of his family has something against him, but I guess I shouldn't make assumptions about stuff like that. I don't see my dad often, and despite the fact that I saw that families on TV were never the way we were, I still loved him. I still love him now. I know he shouldn't treat me like he does. I saw adverts about child abuse, but I never saw it like that. I was in the wrong. I had gone against what he had said, and he was very busy and didn't have time to deal with my mistakes. "Birdie!" he shouts; I realize that I've been too busy daydreaming to notice that I tripped on a stone and am about to hit the ground. It's going to hurt… a lot. I feel his hand brush my arm in attempt to grab me, but a split second later I can feel the rough pavement slam into my face.

I'm vaguely aware that my nose is bleeding, but I'm more fixated on the flood of pain in my face. My eyes are watering in the pain. I can feel raw skin stinging and a sharp pain in my nose. I've broken it. "Birdie, are you- Oh my god you're bleeding!" I pull myself up to sit, with my grazed hands. "How did you fall like that? You didn't even put your hands out properly!" he says panicking. He looks genuinely scared as he sees my face. I don't cry; I have a high threshold for pain. My eyes are streaming though.

"I- I'm ok…" I say, wiping the blood from my mouth on the sleeve of my hoodie "Can we go to the emergency room though; my nose really hurts." I say, shaking a little.

"You're not ok! You're bleeding! You'll die of blood loss! You're nose looks broken too! Totally not awesome!" he cries out. I take a moment to admire the irony in the situation; despite the pain, I'm the one keeping a level head while he panics and freaks out. I slowly stand up, holding a hand under my nose, to catch the blood that is still spilling out. "Verdammt! Oh mein Gott!" he starts babbling in fast German which I can't understand, sounding really worried.

"The hospital's this way, right?" I ask, feeling a little shaky on my feet.

"J-ja! Are you sure you're ok? I could call an ambulance?" he says panicking.

"I'm fine. We can go to the emergency room and I'll get seen to; stop worrying." I say trying to keep as calm as possible. I start walking, but slowly, because I feel a little light headed. Before I realize what he's doing, Gilbert picks me up like a bride. "What are you- Put me down!" I shriek, spilling the blood from my hand on my clothes. I groan as I feel it soak through my T-shirt. He's carrying me to ER, but as he does, I can feel the blood start to dry out on my stomach. "Gross…" I mutter to myself, my shirt sticking to me. I put one arm around his shoulders to steady myself, and the other, I put under my nose again. I have to admit that he walks fast, and that I wouldn't have been able to keep up with him, but it still feels weird being carried like that, especially in public. He stays eerily quiet while he carries me, occasionally glancing down at me to make sure I'm ok. When we are at the hospital, I tell him he can put me down, but he doesn't listen and carries me all the way to the waiting room. My face still feels on fire, but I'm good at ignoring pain, so it's ok. He puts me down in one of the chairs and walks quickly to the desk. The bored looking man sat there tells him that we will get seen to, but we have to be patient with the system.

"Zey want you to vait!" he exclaimed, sitting down angrily.

"That's pretty reasonable; they have lots of people who need to be seen." I say, trying my best to ignore the pain "Could you get me some tissues?" I ask hopefully, with a handful of blood and a dripping nose. He jumps out of his seat and runs to the bathroom.

"Ze awesome me shall get you ze most awesome tissues ever!" he declares. When he gets back with the tissues, I use them to mop up the blood in my hand, and hold one under my nose. He just sits back down, jigging his legs impatiently. A doctor walks out, his smart shoes clacking on the linoleum flooring.

"Mathew Williams?" he calls out from a clip board. Gilbert shoots out of his chair, rushing over to the doctor. I take a moment to stand up, and almost fall back down when a sudden wave of dizziness hits me. I blink a few times; then walk over to the doctor. He guides us to a small room; with more health posters and medical equipment "So you fell on your face?" he says using an antiseptic wipe on my face. Gilbert nods "Ok, I just want to clean this up, so that I can see your nose properly, as there may be a chance that you've broken it." He says, slowly wiping the blood from around my nose. I wince when I feel the shooting pain as he does, but I stay quiet because I don't want to disrupt his work. Gilbert just watches with wide eyes.

"Is it broken?" he asks after my face is clean, albeit the stream coming from my nose which is being controlled to land on a tissue the doctor held under my nose. The doctor looks closer, his eyes studying my face.

"I think so… We'll need to send you for an X-ray to be sure of the damage though." He says, typing things into his computer. He gives us a slip for the X-ray room, and says to wait outside it to be called in.

"You ok?" Gilbert asks looking worriedly at me, seeming really uncomfortable.

"Yeah… it's just a broken nose" I say trying to smile, but my lips wobble and I almost start crying. I'm determined not to cry though. Despite the throbbing pain shooting through my face, I try my best not to let it show how much it hurts. My father always said that he hated to see me cry, so whenever he would hit me, I never cried. I didn't want to upset him. Gilbert looks scared enough, without having me start panicking too, so I try to breathe through the pain and try not to make a big deal of it.

"Mathew Williams?" A woman pops her head out from the door, opened just a crack. I stand up slowly and tell Gilbert to stay put, because there's no point in him coming into the X-ray room with me. They tell me to sit on a cold table, and bring a weird camera thing close to my face. They go and stand behind a screen, leaving me alone with the weird machine. I hear a few noises, but nothing seems to happen. "Okay, all done. You can go wait while we print this." She says with a smile, poking her head out from behind the screen. I slip off the table and walk back to the waiting room.

**And my dear reader, I'm leaving it here, because I want to post something, and cliff hangers are fun? School work is trying to kill me… =.= Question time!**

**Why is Gilbert so panicky when Mathew gets hurt?**

**What will Mathew do about Arthur and Francis?**

**Will his dad notice about his nose?**

**Will Alfred notice… anything?**

**When Gilbert does tell his family about his being with Mathew, how will they react?**

**I'll just leave it at that, I think ^_^ Sorry this took so long, and sorry that it's not a very good chapter… :DD Reviews are love!**


	5. Welcome home

**I don't really have all that much to say this time, but I want to thank you for your continued support, and tell you how much you mean to me. Thank you.**

"Gilbert?" I ask, as we sit waiting. He's fidgeting in his seat, nervously "I don't think my dad will like it if I use his money for the bill…" He lets out a laugh.

"NHS! You don't have to pay, Birdie!" he chortles.

"Oh… I guess that's pretty cool." I say, not knowing what else to. We sit waiting for about five minutes; it try to distract myself from the throbbing pain in my nose as best as I can, but it's starting to become unbearable "I wonder if they have any ice…" I say quietly, jigging my legs a little.

"Do you vant me to go ask?" he says, shooting out of his seat. I nod slowly. My nose has stopped bleeding, but my whole face hurts. He tears down the corridor, to find a nurse or doctor. I sit quietly for a moment, and succumb to the silence. My ears start to ring at the silence, trying to make up for the lack of noise. After a few moments, I hear heavy footsteps as I see Gilbert running, full pelt, towards me, carrying an ice pack "Here, a nurse gave it to me." He says, catching his breath.

"Thank you." I say, taking it from him and wincing slightly when I feel its cold surface against the hot skin of my nose. I sit there for a while, enduring the freezing pack that stung against my skin.

"Mathew Williams?" The doctor from earlier calls out, and I stand up with a little help, because I still feel dizzy. Gilbert keeps a supportive hand around my waist, to keep me upright as we walk into the doctor's office. I sit down in one of the chairs; Gilbert sat next to me, looking nervously at the doctor. I've never seen him so nervous about anything, and it's really distracting. I keep wondering what it is that he's really nervous about, but he keeps his mouth zipped "I've looked at the X-rays, and you have a fracture here." He said pointing to a little white line on the X-ray "The bones haven't moved out of place, so there isn't any correcting required, but you should keep it cool and put ice on it frequently. You're lucky, re-aligning noses can be painful. Come back if it starts bleeding again, or if it is still painful after a month." He says, smiling. He got up from his chair and opened the door for us "Have a nice day." He says before closing the door behind us.

"Do you want to go home now?" Gilbert asked, a little guiltily.

"No… Why would I? I'm fine." I say, smiling as much as I can, without hurting my face "Are you ok?" I ask, noting how nervous he was, and how down this had left him.

"I-I don't like hospitals…" he says slowly "And I vas the one pulling you too fast. I'm sorry…" I just look at him in disbelief.

"Why don't you like hospitals?" I ask, suddenly curious.

"I just… I had to go a lot when I vas a kid…" he explains " I don't vant to talk about it…" I give him a squeeze around his waist.

"You wanted to take me somewhere earlier?" I ask, grinning a little through the pain "We can still go." I reason "I'm feeling better already." I lie, hoping to cheer him up a little, because it scares me a little to see him so down and depressed.

"I vas going to take you shopping… you don't have a computer, or anything." He says, "but you should probably go home… your parents will want to know." I gasp.

"You don't have to do that for me! Laptops cost loads of money!" I tell him, feeling guilty "I'm fine; really, I don't need anything like that." I try to reassure him, because I really don't like seeing him upset "We could go get some coffee, or play video games at your house?" I suggest, trying to lighten the mood.

"You're really feeling better?" he asks, brightening up a little.

"Yeah." I reply, trying to ignore the sting of the ice against my face "What do you want to do?" I ask hopefully.

"I already told you, Birdie, I'm taking you shopping!" he says, picking me up again. I squeal in shock, but he keeps a firm grip on me "I don't think you're well enough to walk. The awesome me shall have to carry you!" he declares, returning to his normal self. I think to protest, but decide against it, as he is finally acting like his usual self. I tell him that I can walk if he gets tired, but he tells me that I'm really light and that he could never get tired of carrying me. I smile awkwardly, thinking of the way I've had to cut back on meals recently, and how cold my house has been getting. Those two factors have caused me to lose a small amount of weight, but I try to ignore it as best as I can.

"You don't have to do this for me! Really, it's fine." I tell him, as we approach the shopping centre. He sits me on a bench and tells me to stay put. I try to figure out what he's up to when he walks away, but his back tells me nothing. I want to know why he was in hospital a lot, why he wanted to buy me a laptop, and most importantly why he is leaving me on this bench.

After a few moments more, I hear wheels. He's managed to get a wheelchair for me. I look up at him in a way that says "I broke my nose, not my legs…" but he is intent that I shouldn't do anything in case I faint, or hurt my nose again. I carefully get into the chair, feeling the world spin around me a little. I guess that's why he got the chair; if I fell over and hurt myself again, it would be much worse than the first time.

"Awesome!" he exclaimed when he sees an expensive laptop with state of the art features and touchscreen. He looks down at me, asking if that's the one I'd like.

"No; I told you that I don't need one." He frowns at me.

"I said I vas getting you one, and zis is the one I want to get you!" I tell him that I won't accept something like that from him, and that he should try and save his money "I have loads of money!" He says, before frowning slightly "I can spend it how I like." I don't like the new look on his face. He looks like something's upsetting him, but I can't tell what it is. I stay silent, waiting for him to say something "I'm getting you zis laptop." He says finally, adding "You'll see just how awesome it is!" with a grin.

He goes to pay for it, which leaves me with more questions. Why did he have enough money to spend so much on me? What was bothering him now? Why did he feel so inclined to buy it for me? As these questions whizz around my head, it takes me a moment to notice that I'm being wheeled out of the shop "Gilbert?" I turn and ask.

"No." I hear the simple reply. I recognize the voice instantly.

"Dad?" My eyes go wide and a grin forms on my face "You're home early! What are you doing here?!" I ask excitedly.

"I got back early, now shut up." I close my mouth, and cast my gaze back to the shop. I see Gilbert look around and spot me being wheeled away. He starts to run after me, but I shake my head, wide eyed at what my dad would say to my having someone else buy me a laptop. He looks at me, with a confused frown.

"My Dad…" I mouth, tilting my head to gesture slightly. I see a look of panic take over his face, so I mouth to him "I won't tell." So he knows that he won't get in trouble. He half smiles back at me and mouths that he'll text me later.

"Get in the car." He says, opening the door. I take a moment to pull myself out of the chair "Hurry up!" he shouts. I flinch and topple into the car "Why were you in that shop?" he asks, sounding dangerous.

"Oh, I-I just like to look at the computers…" I say, covering for Gilbert.

"Good; I wouldn't like to think that you've been wasting my money." I stay silent, not wanting to make him any more annoyed than he already is. I don't try to make conversation, because I know how much my dad prefers me to stay quiet, and how angry he gets when I don't do what I'm told. I feel nervous; trying to check in my mind if I left a mess at all in the house, because I also know how much my father hates mess.

When we get to the house, he opens the door, and I step out unsurely. My legs still feel wobbly, and my head is spinning a little, but I try not to let it show, because I know how much my dad doesn't like it when I'm slow. I walk to the door on unsteady feet, aware of the pair of eyes that are set on me and unlock it. Stepping inside, I see the towel I left on the floor earlier, from my bath. I scurry towards it, picking up the still damp towel to hang in the garden, but I feel a blow to my face as I turn back around.

I fall to the floor with oomph, and see my father's furious face "What is all this mess? I told you to take care of this house! What's wrong with you?!" he demands. I stammer an apology, but have the wind taken out of me when I feel his foot crush me into the ground. I've missed this. It's been so long since I had someone do this. The pain in my nose is dulled by the pain radiating from my gut and jaw. I let in a sharp breath, wincing "Get up!" he shouts down at me. I slowly go to stand, but in impatience and anger, he shoves me back down. I feel my head whack against the wooded floor, sending pain flying through my skull. I gasp in pain, but that earns me another kick in the stomach "Get out of my sight, you waste of space." I slowly pull myself up, coughing as I do. I'm a little concerned by the blood that came out of my mouth, but I try my best to ignore it, as I pull myself up the stairs.

I lie on my bed, trying to sleep away the pain, but sleep doesn't come. The only thing that comes is the ringing sound of silence.

After what could have been minutes or hours, I hear my phone buzz in my pocket. It's Gilbert.

_Heyy! Wassup? Why'd your dad wheel you away like that? You free tomorrow?_

_GB_

I sit for ages, just trying to think about how I should reply. I don't think my dad would like if I left the house while he was here, but I don't know how long he'll be staying for.

_I'm good, how are you? He was worried about me, and I didn't want to get you into trouble. I don't think I'll be able to come out tomorrow… sorry._

_MW_

I reply, hoping that he doesn't get suspicious. I feel my phone vibrate again, but this time, it's Alfred.

_Yo! Dude! My parents saw you at the store! How cool is that?_

_AJ_

I laugh a little, at how oblivious he is.

_Yeah, I was just doing some shopping, because my dad's ill…_

_MW_

I feel like that reply should be good enough.

The ice has long since melted, and I haven't received any replies yet. The sky is getting dark, but I decide to stay in my room, because my dad doesn't like seeing me when he's in a bad mood. My stomach hurts a lot, from when he kicked me but it's fine, and it will feel better, like discipline always does. I'm not angry, because I have allowed myself to get lazy, and not tidy up after myself, and I should be punished for what I did wrong. I had missed the pain. It sounds odd, but the pain shows that he still cares about what I do. It keeps me from doing bad things, and keeps me alert.

I know that what he does is wrong, and that if he gets found out, I'll get taken away. I don't want to be taken away. My mother abandoned me with him, and I've only ever had him to rely on. I don't want to lose both of my parents, no matter what.

"Mathew?" I hear my dad's voice call up the stairs.

"Yes?" I call back, quietly. He walks into the room.

"I'm using your bed." He says bluntly. I get off of it walk down the stairs to sleep in front of the fire.

I wake up to a dull ache in my abdomen, and a throbbing face. I pull myself off of the floor and go to the kitchen. I make myself a couple of pancakes, and eat them quickly before my dad wakes up. I know he gets up late, and I also know how grumpy he gets in the mornings, so I try to stay out of his way. While I'm eating my pancakes, I remember that I need to get some firewood, so I write a note explaining that I'll be in the woods, grab the axe that I found in the shed and walk through the woods behind my house. I walk for a while, liking the serenity and calm of it. After a while, I go to a tall tree and bring the axe down on a low branch. It takes about 10 minutes for me to get all the way through the thick limb of the branch, and I quickly jump out of the way of it falling.

I chop at the branch for another hour and a half, until it's in small enough pieces and should last another week. I carry as many as I can back to the house and put them in the woodshed in the back garden, before returning and doing the same thing a few times more, until I collect all of the wood. I take a few pieces and place them into the hearth; then I use a match and slowly blow on the flame to get the fire started. It takes a good few minutes, but soon the fire is roaring and toasty to sit in front.

I decide to do a little of the homework I was set by my math teacher, and pass the time. After another hour, my dad comes down the stairs. I stay silent and continue to do my homework in front of the fire, warming up my toes from being out in the cool woods for so long.

"I'm leaving tonight." He says gruffly, as he starts doing something with his I-phone.

"B-but you've only been here for a day!" I cry without thinking. I look back down, realizing that I shouldn't have burst out like that, and wait for him to do something.

He grabs me by the arm and pulls me off of the floor, kicking my homework into the fire. I'm about to cry out again, having lost my homework, but I'm interrupted by his hands on my throat. I can't breathe. His large hands are around my neck, and all I can feel are my lungs gasping for air and the tight grip on my throat. His face is red and angry looking, but I can't do anything.

He lets go after over a minute, and I drop to the floor. I shouldn't have spoken. I know that. I guess spending time with other people has made me forget things. I'm on all fours, gasping for air. My lungs are on fire, but I'm fine and I don't really mind. It's not his fault that I'm a terrible child. It's not his fault that I can't remember how to act. It's mine.

I spend the day in my room, redoing my homework and trying to think of ways to hide the bruises on my neck. I don't have any make-up, and I don't want to tell anyone in case my dad gets into trouble.

That evening, I watch my dad drive away, and go to bed. I miss Gilbert and Alfred. It's a horrible thing to want to spend time with your friends more than your parents, but as much as I love my dad, I miss Gilbert's smile, and the way that Alfred just talks. I don't want to worry them at school tomorrow, so I decide that I'm going to have to do something.

I walk out onto the pebbly driveway and pick up as many pieces of chalk as possible. I bring them back into the house and put them into a bowl. I crush the stones, and add a little water. I paint it on, and blend it as much as I can with my skin, and it covers the bruises fine. It's a little paler, but if I'm careful no-one will notice.

**And that's where I'm leaving it for today my lovelies ^_^**

**I want to make it very clear right now that I don't agree with any level of child abuse, and the reason that Mattie is so ok with it, is because it's how he's been treated his whole life. Child abuse is wrong, and I'm only using it for plot purposes.**

**Question time!**

**Will people Gilbert or Alfred notice? (Alfred probably won't but his parents might…)**

**Why was Gil in hospital so much and what's bothering him?**

**What do you think Arthur and Francis should do?**

**When will we see Mattie's dad again?**

**Why does Gilbert want to buy him a laptop?**


	6. An eventful Day

**Sorry for the slow update ^_^; my school work has been drowning me relentlessly… Again, I want to tell you all how much I love you for reading my stories, and how much every review I get means to me. It's only because of you that I'm writing these, because I wouldn't have the confidence if it wasn't for all of your support, or just the fact that someone read it ^_^ So long as people want to**

I wake up feeling stiff and achy, but I work through it. My neck feels the worst, but my face still hurts a lot too. I ignore it as best I can, and start making myself some pancakes. It hurts to move, but I don't mind. I deserved what I got. I shouldn't have left the house in such a mess, and spoken out like that to him. I'm such an idiot.

I decide that I don't want my breakfast after all, and drop the pancakes into the bin. I don't deserve them. I look in the mirror and see that the chalk rubbed off in the night, so I put some more on my neck and jaw, but leaving around my nose, painstakingly blending it with my skin, which is already pale from losing so much blood yesterday "I'm such an idiot…" I say, resting my head in the cool glass of the mirror. My father spent his entire day angry because of my mistakes. I can't believe how stupid I was. I breathe slowly, trying to motivate myself to keep going, but my whole body doesn't want to. I close my eyes and just lean against the mirror hopelessly. He's left because I'm not good enough. I've never been good enough.

I pack my school bag, wincing as I crane my neck to look down at it. I had to use a lot of chalk to cover the bruises on my throat, and I'm worried that it will rub off in the day. I check the clock and see that I overslept. I am definitely going to be late. I don't bother to brush my hair. It is already 7:50Am I have 50 minutes to get to school, and it usually takes me half an hour longer than that.

I quickly get dressed and grab my school bag, and rush out of the door. I try to run, but I feel too dizzy, and everything hurts too much. I slow down to a brisk walk, as that's as much as my tired body can handle. Somehow the tranquil fields seemed to mock him and his lateness "Hoser…" I say, glaring at the field. It's pointless going in, but I want to see Gilbert. When I'm with him, I feel like someone cares, and like I mean something to somebody. No-one ever notices me, except him, because I've always been told to stay out of the way.

By the time I get to school, I'm breathless but only fifteen minutes late. My whole body aches, and my bruises are throbbing painfully. I know it's my fault for not being good enough. I go to my form group, because I'm not so late that lessons have already started, but there's only five minutes left. I open the door, and walk to my seat.

"Vhy are you late?" gilbert asks sounding concerned. I just slump over the desk and hope the teacher didn't notice me "Hey! Talk to me! Vhat's going on?" he says, prodding me.

"I just overslept… It's fine." I tell him, running my fingers through my mussed up hair. I'm glad to see him, but I feel bad for lying to him. I know I have to, because otherwise I'll get taken away. I try to make sure that my hair covers as much of my neck as possible, just in case I didn't put on the chalk properly. My hair has grown quite a lot since I last got it cut. It used to be as short as Alfred's, who is chatting loudly to a Japanese boy who I don't really know, but I don't get haircuts very often, so now it covers my neck, and some of it can just about reach my shoulders.

"Ok; how's your nose?" he asks. I can't look at him, knowing how much I have lied to him.

"Better…" I tell him, which is partially true. It hurts less than it did, but it still hurts quite a lot. I ignore it though, and it's less noticeable when the rest of your body is hurt. I look at him briefly and see the worry in his eyes "I'm sorry…" I tell him, feeling like a terrible person.

"Vhat for? I'm the one who vas pulling you." He said, making me feel even worse. I can't ever tell him about what happened, but I feel awful for lying to him so much.

"Making you worry…" I tell him, feeling bad about how worried he looked, and the fact that I can't look at him without feeling bad.

"It's not your fault." He says, sounding so genuine it hurts. I wish I could tell him everything, and have him understand how I feel, but I know that he'd probably blow it out of proportion and treat it like a big deal "Anyway, you're coming to my house after school today, right?" he asks, trying to change the subject of conversation.

"Y-yeah…" I say quietly. The bell rings and I jump, something that hasn't happened in a long while. My neck complains at me, making me take a deep breath to get rid of the pain. Gilbert doesn't notice the pain, and just laughs at how I haven't done that in a while, and how he forgot how adorable I am when I'm shocked.

The day passes slowly, and I can't concentrate in my lessons. My neck is stiff and throbbing, my nose hurts and so do my jaw and my stomach. I don't have any lunch today, and when Gil offers me some of his, I decline. I don't deserve it. At the end of the day, we go back to his house.

"You seem kinda off today, Birdie…" he tells me, as we get to his room "Are you ok?" he asks. I smile weakly, and tell him I'm fine. He frowns for a moment, but doesn't say about it again, and starts telling me about a prank he pulled on Rodreich. I force a laugh as he tells me about how funny it was, and I how I should have seen the look on his face when he saw the mashed potato in his grand piano. I guess it is quite a funny thought, and I'm sure his face would be hilarious too.

He hugs me, and tells me how awesome I am. I smile and hug him back. He always does this unexpectedly. He never leads into it, or gradually builds up to romance… He just changes the topic and does it all of a sudden. I don't mind at all though. I like the fun and the excitement. He pulls me in by the waist and peppers my face with little kisses that make me giggle, like a little girl. He's more gentle than usual, when he kisses me today; he's probably just worried about my nose. I ignore the way my bruises cry out as he pulls at my waist, and wrap my arms around his shoulders "Ich liebe dich, Birdie" he tells me. I guess what that means, because I don't know German. I guess that it means that it means that he loves me or something… I'm not sure, but that's what I'd like to think.

After a while, he runs a hand through my hair, and kisses my lips. I kiss him back. Neither of us is very good at it, but we've gotten better than we were, and I'm more used to how it's supposed to feel. My head still hurts from before, but I ignore it like the rest of my pain. I don't know how long we kiss for, but it's a long time. I like the way he holds me close to him, and just the fact that he wants me around him like this.

"GILBERT!" I hear a voice shriek. I squeak and jump away from him in shock. His face goes paler than usual, but then heats up enough to fry eggs on. My cheeks are burning as I see Rodriech in the doorway. He looks shocked, and completely taken aback. A look of disgust comes over his face a moment later. He slams the door and I can hear him running down the stairs.

"Sheisse!" Gilbert exclaims, bolting out of the room, presumably to follow his brother "Rodreich!" he calls crashing through the hallway. I don't know what to do. I just sit on his bed, aching all over, and feeling terrible for getting him into trouble. That's when I realize that the reason that he hadn't told his family is that they would have a problem with it. I guess I never thought about it, but I don't think my dad would like it either. He always brought women home with him. I'd often look after them in the mornings when they were hung over, and he had meetings.

Suddenly I feel worse. My father would never approve of this. I'm a terrible son. I can't do anything right. I'm a god awful person who doesn't deserve a single thing. I curl up on the bed, tears leak out of my eyes as I curl into a ball of shame. I shouldn't even be in his house. How could I be so deceitful? I hear some muffled shouting from downstairs which just makes me feel worse; I feel like the most terrible person in the world. I don't deserve him.

After a few minutes, I hear the door slowly open again. Gilbert walks over and sits by me, stroking my hair. He's silent for a long time before he finally says "They're kicking me out…" My insides plummet. It feels like I have a weight in my insides, making me feel sick. I don't know what to say. He wipes the tears from my eyes and says "Could I crash at yours?"

I feel awful. This was never supposed to happen. Gilbert might tell someone about my house, or my Dad could come home and find him, or he could hate me for not telling him about home, or… I don't even know anymore. My whole brain is crying as I try to figure out what to do. I can't let him become homeless, but every bone in my body is telling me that I can't let him into my house. After a long silence, I decide that if he is willing to leave home to stay with me, maybe I can trust him enough to let him stay at my house for a little while "Okay." I say slowly, trying to stay calm "I guess you can stay with me, until this is sorted out." I add, hoping that his family will come to understand and accept him, before my Dad comes to visit again.

"Thank you so much!" he exclaims, crushing me into a tight hug. Despite the fact that I can't breathe, being crushed is painful on my bruised body, I don't care. He wants to stay with me. He wants to be with me, even though I got him kicked out of his own home. He starts darting around the room, picking up all of the stuff he says he needs. These items consist of:

School uniform and regular clothes

His school books

His laptop… and the one he bought for me

Gilbird, who he just set on his head

His toothbrush

Underwear

His wallet

His Prussian flag; I guess it's important to him… I never asked about it

Some beer from under his bed

A diary

His phone

He packs it all into a lot of bags, and tells me that hopefully it'll be temporary, and that they'll come around. I nod, and we leave the house. I take some of his bags, feeling bad about how much he has to carry. After a long period of silence, he finally asks "So… I thought you said your house was close by?" I feel my insides heat up in panic. I still don't want to tell him anything, but I know the topic is unavoidable.

"I-I lied…" I tell him, feeling worse and worse every second "I-I didn't tell you about m-my house, because I was worried about what you'd- you'd say…" I say, truthfully. His bags are heavy, but I keep carrying them, because I can see him struggling with the weight of his too.

"Vhat!? Vhat do you mean, Birdie?" he asks, making the pit of guilt in my stomach deepen.

"M-my house… it's only me there. M-my Dad visits occasionally, but I'm usually alone…" I tell him, hanging my head, and waiting for him to turn around and tell me he hates me for lying. Instead, he pulls me into another tight hug, burying his face into my neck.

"Vhy didn't you tell me, liebling?" he asks. I put my arms around him awkwardly, pulling him closer, so he can't leave.

"I-I… I just… you can't tell anyone, okay?" I tell him nervously. I'm scared that he'll call social services, or tell someone who will tell them and get me taken away.

"Okay." he tells me, placing a kiss on my forehead and breaking apart from me. I keep his hand in mine, so I know he won't leave me. We walk in silence for most of the journey, until he starts getting tired and the sky gets a little dark "How long have ve even been valking for? How do you do zis every day?" he asks, getting irritable.

"We've been walking for an hour; we have another half hour to go." I tell him, trying to keep calm, and maintain a level head. He seems a little taken aback by this and asks me what time we'll have to leave for school. The answer makes him even more annoyed.

"Vhat!? Are you kidding me?" he asks, angrily "How do you do zis every day!" I shrug and keep walking.

When we finally reach my house, it's dark, and the outside is unclear. I open the door, and flick on the lights. I feel embarrassed at how much colder and smaller and old fashioned it in comparison to his house "You'll have to share the bed with me." I tell him, starting to walk up the stairs. His face goes a bright shade of red, almost matching his crimson eyes "You'll get cold if you don't" I say "It's the only bed in the house." I can see his face heating up, and can't help but take advantage of his discomfort "We may even have to share our body warmth" I say, almost flirtatiously… if I could flirt.

"Sh-shut up!" he says, making me grin a little.

"I'm only kidding, Gil" I put his stuff down, still smiling "Je t'aime." I say, pulling him into a hug. His face goes the colour of a beetroot when I do, which makes me laugh again. I only know French, because I learnt it when we spent time in Québec, and I'd have to read things in French, and the women would try to teach it to me when I stayed with them sometimes.

**Okay! Another chapter done! Sorry it's kind of short, but I really wanted to post something, but I've been attacked by homework recently… sorry if this chapter is a little depressing…**

**Question time!**

**How will Gil find out about what Mattie's dad is really like?**

**What will life be like, now that Gil's moved in?**

**Will his family come around?**

**Will Rodriech ever get his grand piano clean again?**

**Reviews are love ^_^**


	7. The truth

**Well! I've been looking forward to writing this chapter so much! I've had about a million ideas for it, so it should be a good one… or at least it should be ^_^; I guess it's all opinion and stuff, but yeah. There is some self-harm in this chapter, and I'll warn you now. You have been warned. I'll let you read this instead of talking gibberish at you!**

It's adorable how awkward Gilbert can get for someone as outgoing as himself; you'd think that he would be more forward and flirty, but he's not. He blushes and suddenly says things, or kisses me, or just pulls me into a hug. It's as if something in his brain suddenly remembers that he can do something, but he doesn't quite know how to start, so it's abrupt and unexpected. It's also fun to make him blush by saying things or flirting with him, because it makes him so embarrassed that it's funny.

It's late now, and we're going to bed. I will need to get up earlier than him to make sure I put some more chalk on my neck, because if I told him about what my father did, he'd probably freak out. I don't want to scare him, or make him worry, so I'll just hide the bruises until they go away.

"I can sleep somewhere else…" Gil says awkwardly. I tell him that he'll just freeze to death like that, and that he's better off just sharing the bed with me. I'm a little uncertain of it too, because I don't want him to notice the bruises, but I really can't let him sleep anywhere else. The house gets so cold "Fine… Do you have another blanket?" he asks, shuffling his feet.

"Um… I think so?" I go to the cupboard and pull out another blanket "It's not as good as the other one, so I'll have it." I tell him; throwing it onto the bed "I'll go and get changed in the bathroom." I tell him, picking up last night's pyjamas and closing the door carefully behind me. I have someone in my room. My dad would be so angry. God knows what he would do. I feel like a terrible person, all of a sudden.

A feeling of guilt hits me like a sledgehammer. It's my entire fault. He'd be fine if it weren't for me. He'd be living his happy life at home if it weren't for me. I should have just stayed out of sight instead of making friends. I'm such an idiot!

I get try to get changed quickly, but almost fall over when I catch my toes in the wrong leg. I pull on the shirt quickly, and try to ignore the purple bruises on my torso, and how much more my ribs stick out that they used to. I guess I had more to eat when I was staying in hotels all of the time. I don't mind though; it's not like I'm wasting away.

I pad back to my room, and knock gently on the door. "Come in!" I hear his voice call from inside. I open the door, cringing at how much it creaks. He is already in the bed; he's also not wearing a top. I look at him quizzically "Don't worry, I'm wearing pyjama bottoms." He tells me, blushing slightly. I guess some guys don't wear night shirts…

I climb into the bed, carefully, trying not to jostle him, or tangle the covers. We lie in silence, awkward and unsure of what to say. After a moment I start to hear little snores coming from his mouth. I wonder to myself how he can fall asleep so fast. I sit up slowly, looking at his moonlit face and hair. He looks so peaceful and innocent like this. His mouth is wide open, snoring, and his bird nestling into his hair which looks like it's made of strands of pure silver in this light.

I don't deserve him. He is way too good for me. I'm hiding things from him and I shouldn't even have him in my house. I'm making him worry about me too! I feel so conflicted as to how I feel about all of this. I can't sleep.

I slowly and carefully slide out of bed, and pad to the kitchen. The clock says that it's 11:40PM and on a school night, that's late. I slump into a chair, leaning sideways on the wooden back. I'm a terrible human being. I keep lying to people. I'm letting someone in the house and I can't even imagine what my father would say about Gil. A mix of bad feelings builds up in my chest and I can't get rid of it.

My father would have beaten me, but he's not here. I'm not being punished for all of the bad things I'm doing! I've been allowing myself to get away with doing bad things without consequence! I've let myself get away with too much! I need to be punished! I need to have a punishment for the terrible things I've done.

I pull out a knife from the kitchen drawer. I slice it into my left wrist, wincing and watching the little droplets of blood pool up before slowly running around to the underside of my arm and dripping into the sink, leaving a pretty red pattern on the metal surface. I do it a few more times, once for each of the times I've lied, for being late, for inviting him into my home, for being with him, for hiding this from him, for hiding the bruises, for being careless, for leaving a mess in my room, for getting him into trouble…

Before I know it, I feel dizzy and both of my arms are covered in bleeding slits. I turn the tap on full blast, running my arms under the freezing cold water. When I pull them out they just start bleeding again. I start to panic. What if they don't stop bleeding? Will I die? What would Gil say? What would my father say? I feel even dizzier! I shove my bloody arms back under the tap, and try to remember something that could help. I don't have a first aid kit, so bandages are out of the question. Then I remember something a woman said to me once.

She told me "If you ever get a cut that won't stop, put corn flour on it." She told me that it really did help, and that I should keep it in mind if I ever get hurt. I didn't understand why she said it, but I guess it's because she'd figured my father out. I don't have any corn flour, but I have regular flour that I use for pancakes. I quickly grab it from the counter, and pour it onto my arms over the sink. I stay as still as I can, and hope that it works.

The flour on my arms is in a triangular shape, sloping off of my arms and into the sink. I run the tap again to rinse away the waste flour. I turn my arms over to get rid of the excess and it worked. Around the cuts there are slightly reddened clumps of congealed blood and flour. I sigh in relief at the stemming of the blood flow. I get straight to work on cleaning the flour from the counter and the floor. Then I pull on a long sleeved night shirt. I decide to put on some more of the chalk, which I'd hidden under the sink, as the bruises have started to show through again.

Everything still hurts, but the raw pain from the new cuts numbs out the rest. I'm glad for the relief, but I still feel a little guilty, but not as much as I did before. I received punishment for my crimes. The only things I'm allowed to feel guilty about now, is anything I do past this point.

I walk back into my room, and slide back into the bed. The dizziness helps me sleep.

I wake up feeling warm, which hasn't ever happened in this house. I keep my eyes closed sleepily, wondering what's so warm, and snuggling closer to the source. It's like there's a radiator in my bed. My sleepy mind dismisses it, and I fall back to sleep.

The next time I wake up, I feel warm arms around me. My eyes shoot open. My face is pressed against his bare chest. I jump away, sitting up on the bed. My heart is racing. It takes me a moment to remember why he's in my bed and how he got there. I take a deep breath, and stutter out a "Good morning."

He nods awkwardly; then pulls me into a hug. I hug him back, remembering the details. After a moment, he pulls away, his hand trailing across my neck. He looks at his hand quizzically "Vhat's this?" he asks, showing me the chalky residue on his fingertips. I feel a weight in my stomach drop to the floor. My eyes go wide. I'm a terrible actor. He looks at my neck more closely. I tense, feeling guilty. My whole body feels hot and unpleasant. My stomach lurches as wipes more away, revealing the purple and yellow bruises "Birdie, vhat is this?" he asks, pulling back and looking into my eyes, his face serious and tense.

I feel heat start to build up around the backs of my eyes, and tears start to prick in the corners of my eyes. I tried so hard to hide it from him. I'm such an idiot. Everything comes tumbling down; in moments. I can't believe my own stupidity! I can't look him in the eye. I don't want to see his face. He's probably angry with me. I don't want to see the disappointment in his eyes! I crumble into a fit of sobs and fling my arms around him. It doesn't matter how much I punish myself; I'll always feel guilty for lying to him!

I feel his hands on my back, rubbing smooth circles "Just tell me what happened." He says softly. I try to calm down my breathing, but I can't help but shake a little. I really don't want to tell him, but at the same time, that's all I want to do.

"I-It's no-nothing." I tell him, not wanting him to worry about me. He pulls back, looking into my eyes. The crimson in his eyes is shining in the sunlight; his expression serious and concerned.

"Then vhy are you crying?" he asks, his stare making my eyes prick with tears even more. I want to tell him that I hate lying to him, but I'd been dishonest to him before! How would he feel if I kept doing it? I look at him, sniffling and tell him.

"M-my Dad… H-he gets angry… I-I get – I get things – w-wrong…" I manage to stammer out, looking at my hands, ashamed at myself for not telling him "I – I'm s-sorry!" I cry, not wanting to see his face. He probably wants to leave me now. He probably never wants to see my lying, deceitful; dishonest face again.

"He… hit you?" he says after a few moments of silence in which I had been certain he would leave. I nod my head slowly, tears rolling down my cheeks. He pulls me close to him. I squeak accidentally at the shock.

"Y-you don't hate me?" I ask, hugging him tightly so I know he can't leave me.

"Vhy vould I hate you?" he asks "It's not your fault! You didn't do this to yourself; you only did vhat you were told." He says soothingly, but it makes my insides wrench with guilt. I did cut my arms. I did do that to myself. That was all me.

I start crying again, not being able to control the guilt in my chest "B-but I did!" I cry out, pulling back my sleeves "I did bad things!" I tell him "I can't let myself get away with it!" I say, looking down, my arms limp at my side.

He takes my hand in his, and holds it up, taking a closer look at my arm; taking in each cut. I see his expression change. His lips wobble a little and a tear trickles out of his eye. He blinks unbelievingly, staring at the slashes at my arms. There is still flour caked on the lines, marring the skin "Vhy..?" he asks after a long silence, only filled by my sharp breaths, and wincing if he accidentally touched my cuts.

I don't know what to say. It seemed so obvious to me when I did it "I-I lied to you, a- and I lied to Arthur and Francis, and I lied to the school, and I made you worry, and I messed up the house, and I brought you here, and I-"He stops me, kissing my wet lips. Kiss him back, gently.

He breaks the kiss and looks into my eyes, holding my hands in his "You didn't do anything wrong." He tells me, stroking the backs of my hands with his thumbs. I want to tell him that I did do a lot of things wrong, but the words don't come, and I just feel sick and tired. I slump, looking at my hands, sniffling. It's not fair that he can be so perfect and brilliant, and I'm just a liar and a coward "Vhy don't we get breakfast?" he asks, stepping out of bed, and helping me up. I follow him, shuffling my feet along the old wooden floor.

"What are we having?" I ask him, still looking down; I can't look at his face. I don't want to see him so sad again. He tells me to make what I usually make, so I make twice the amount, so that he can eat too. I mix the batter in a jug and start frying the pancakes. I feel a little better, making the food I love so much, but I don't really feel like eating. Somehow, I have a feeling that Gil is going to make me eat anyway.

When the pancakes are ready, I put the stacks onto two plates, and put them on the table. I reach to the maple syrup that lives at the centre of the table, and cover my pancakes in the sweet liquid. I know I shouldn't use so much, because I need to make it last, but it's really good, and I feel awful.

Gil copies me, drowning his pancakes in the sweet syrup too, before sticking his fork in and proceeding to eat them with gusto. I think some of it was put on to make me feel better, but I guess if that makes him happy, why shouldn't he?

He's still not wearing a shirt, but I guess it hadn't been the main issue before. I look at the clock, and we're late for school. He notices and reports to me that we aren't going to school today, because he thinks that I need to stay at home and rest for a while. I tell him that I can't just skip school, but he just tells me that I can and will, because I'm not well and need to relax "I'm not sick!" I tell him, shoving another pancake angrily in my mouth.

"No, but you're not vell." He tells me, looking at my exposed arms. I look away, still feeling ashamed about it.

"I'm fine now!" I argue, not wanting to miss a day of school.

"Vell, ve'll be really late if we leave now…" he tells me, looking at his watch "It's 09:30." He says bluntly. I look at the clock, and notice that he's right "It's west's birthday tomorrow…" he says glumly "I vas going to take him out for a beer." He says, sounding quite disheartened.

"Aren't you too young to go to bars?" I ask him, wondering how he gets into bars.

"Fake ID." He tells me, grinning for a brief moment "I was going to give one to West, for his birthday, because he likes beer too…" he says "I got it all done especially for him… he probably doesn't want to talk to me now…" he says bitterly. He looks away, then looks back at me "My problems don't matter anyvay." He says.

"Yes they do!" I protest, looking at him seriously "They're just as important! You can't force me to tell you everything if you don't do the same!" I tell him, feeling upset that he doesn't trust me with his problems.

"You have your own problems, Birdie." He says, trying to wave it off as unimportant.

"Tell me." I say, looking right at him, with as much intensity as I can muster.

"Fine, fine; you vin." He says "I'll tell you everything… I guess the first thing you should know is that I'm a mistake… I lived mit mein Mutti until I vas 5. Zat vas vhen she got ill. I had to move in mit mein Vater, who I didn't really know. West vas 3 und Roddy vas 4; Vash und Lilli still lived there too… Vash moved out mit Lilli vhen he turned 16; zat vas last year. He doesn't really talk to us anymore, and he never lets Lilli out of his sight enough to let her talk to me; he never really did." He says, sounding bitterer "I'm so different to them. Zey all study hard and keep a clean house. I'm different… I look nothing like them… I don't act like them and I've never really been a part of the family, except to West." He says, pausing "Roddy was too unfriendly, and Vash was generally distrusting of everyone… West… he vould actually talk to me. He thinks I'm annoying as hell, but he's the only one who really cares…"

I look at him, my eyes wide and pricking with tears "Zat's vhy I have a crap-tonne of money I don't vant… Vhen my Mutti died, she left me everything… All of her stuff was sold, and I got the money." He tells me, looking at me and trying to smile awkwardly.

"Gil!" I cry out, and attack him with the tightest and most loving hug I can give "That's not nothing!" I tell him, tears leaking from my eyes. I can't believe he didn't tell me, but I'd be a hypocrite if I told him off for it. I pepper his neck and face with kisses, trying to make him feel better. I smile to myself when I see his face turn scarlet red "Don't not tell me anything again." I tell him between kisses.

He puts his arms around my waist, and starts kissing me back, his awkward chuckle turning into a fit of giggles when he starts ticking me. I attack back, making him cackle with laughter.

The chair topples over, and sends us tumbling onto the hard floor, gasping and laughing. He kisses my lips, pulling me close, and stroking my cheek. I kiss back, threading my fingers into his silver hair.

We break apart suddenly when we feel his phone vibrate from his pyjama pocket. There's a text from Ludwig.

We need to talk. Meet me at the coffee shop at 15:40PM I'm not angry.

LB

A grin forms on his face, as he kisses his phone repeatedly "Yes! He doesn't hate me!" He hurriedly texts back.

I'm there, bro!

GB

**Okai! Sorry about the angst and all of the feels in the beginning! I want to tell you now that I do not support self-harm! It is purely there for purposes of the story, and I do not approve of self-harm at all!**

**Question time!**

**What will Ludwig say when they meet up?**

**Why did Vash leave?**

**Why did he take Lilli with him?**

**When will we next see Alfred?**

**Why is Rodriech a derp?**

**That's all folks! Reviews are love, and I will write the next chapter as soon as possible! **


	8. Revelations

**Finally! An update! I first want to apologise for the long wait, but a lot of things have been going on with my family at home that have made it difficult for me to get writing done, and also a warning: Seeing as I am taking my GCSE exams this year (These affect the rest of my life, and I really need to do well) and the exams are now very, very soon. I will probably update much less frequently because of it. My apologies, but I do have to make school a priority… (I refuse to make a Harry Potter reference here) Any ways, thanks for sticking with the story, I'll let you get on and read it now.**

"This is awesome!" he exclaims "He doesn't hate me!" I can see little tears of joy in his hands as he stared into the phone, grinning like a mad man. He brings me into a bone crunching hug and races up the stairs. I don't know whether to tell him that it's still the morning, and we have hours before we even need to leave.

I get up, realizing how much everything still hurt, but I put on a smile, because I don't want Gil to know how much it hurts. I don't want to ruin his day. I go up the stairs after him, and see him half dressed for the day, looking excited. He grins at me, pulling a T-shirt on. I take off my night shirt, exposing all of the bruises on my chest and back, not to mention all of the slices in my arms. I turn away embarrassed, but he walks over, with a sad smile and just hugs me closely. I frown; I don't like him to see the purple and yellow skin, and the risen gashes on my arm, making my arms a dark red.

"I need to get dressed…" I tell him, trying to pry his arms from around me, but he just rests the crook of his neck on my shoulder, holding me tighter. Maybe he didn't realize how many bruises there were, or maybe he just wanted to show me that he cared.

"Don't ever do that again…" he says softly; I know he's talking about my arm.

"I won't." I tell him, even though I'm not sure I can keep that promise. I can feel the guilt in my chest already, making my insides feel heavy. I lean against him, inhaling his scent. At the moment, he just smells of sweaty boy, but I don't really mind. It's just nice to have someone hold me like this, without scolding me for my mistakes.

He lets go and sits on the bed while I pull on a T-shirt and a hoodie. I pull on some jeans and look at him expectantly. I don't really know what to expect, but it just seems like he has something planned. He gets up, and starts walking downstairs. I follow him, not knowing where we're going.

Before I know it, we're out of the house, and I'm very, very confused "Where are we going?" I ask finally. He just looks at me and grins.

"To the super-market! You have next to no food! Totally not awesome!" he says, taking my hand. I smile awkwardly. I don't like the idea of him spending his money on me, but I guess he's going to eat the food. I also feel a little awkward because he doesn't usually show public affection, but I guess we are alone…

"I don't know, Gil… I don't like you spending your money on me…" I say, but he just squeezes my hand and says that he'll probably eat most of the food, and he doesn't like me starving "I'm not starving." I tell him.

"You are too! You're too skinny, Birdie! And I don't think I could only eat that little…" he says, digging my ribs slightly. I look down. I'm not that skinny, am I? Maybe I'm not as meaty as some of the other boys, but I don't think I'm that skinny. I've just been careful to make sure I make two ends meet. So what if my ribs show a little… That's normal… I'm just fine.

"You make it sound like I go without food all the time!" I say, still concerned about his comment.

"You do! The only times you eat properly is vhen you come over for dinner!" he argues, poking me in the side. I yelp accidentally, flinching away.

"No fair! You can't just jab me like that!" I say, jabbing him back. He flinches, but doesn't react as much; instead, he just laughs "Stop laughing!" I say "You're ridiculous!" I try to say angrily, but his laugh is contagious and I can't help but join in.

"Awesome." He corrects me, taking my hand in his as we walk down the country road. His palm is slightly sweaty, but I don't mind. I squeeze his hand; our feet walk in sync. This moment is so comfortable, and I really don't want it to end, but I've learnt that this feeling can never last.

My head starts to swim with worries as we walk in silence. I can't help but doubt how he feels about me, and how he's only with me because he's sorry for me, or because it's the only place he can go. Maybe he's going to tell social services and get me put in a home and taken away from my only family. What if my father finds out he's been in my house? What if the school find out and investigate? What if I bump into Francis and Arthur again?

"Prinzessin… you in there? We're here…" I hear him say, waving a pale hand in front of my nose. I blink a few times and realize that I must've drifted off into thought "You alright?" he asks, cocking his head like a puppy, looking into my eyes. I nod.

"Y-yeah… I was just daydreaming…" I say, as we walk through the wall of air, realizing he let go of my hand. I look down, and catch his gaze as he grabs a cart.

"If anyone catches us…" he says with a slight grin. I know what he means. If someone we knew were to see, they might tell his family, and that would cause all sorts of problems… The school would be really annoyed if they thought we were just skipping classes…

We walk around the shop, and I pick up the stuff I think we need, like eggs, milk, flour, syrup, bread, ham, margarine, and Gil picks up random other things and puts them into the cart. Pretzels, sausage, Nutella, a first aid kit, potatoes, cheese, ice-cream, and beer "Gil… we can't buy that…" I tell him as he puts the 8 pack of beer into the cart.

"Of course the awesome me can buy it! Look at my ID!" he holds up the fake ID he'd been telling me about before.

"Fine..." I say, not knowing how to counter it.

As we walk down the aisles, as I don't know what he wants to buy, we come across a completely empty aisle. "Watch this!" He tells me, and he starts running down the aisle pushing the shopping cart in front of him. Midway down, he jumps his feet onto the crossbar and rides the cart down the aisle. It would be more impressive if he didn't fall and land on his ass when he got to the end, trying to stop it. I walk over to him, noticing how he had stopped the cart "You okay?" I ask, watching him grimacing in slight pain.

"J-ja… that's gonna bruise…" he tells me. It looks like he landed straight down on his coccyx. He groans in pain when he stands up "Verdammt… stupid shopping cart…" he says, rubbing his lower back.

"You should be more careful." I tell him, pushing the cart to the checkout. Unsurprisingly we are asked for ID, to which Gil shows his fake one, surprising the woman at the till. We don't look 18, but with an ID card, she can't refuse to sell it to us.

As we walk out, Gil takes all the stuff he picked up, saying that that was the stuff he paid for, and he can't make me carry it… I just carry the few things I picked up. He carries everything else…

When we get home, Gil puts the stuff down; then just lies down on the cold clammy floor. I guess the bags were heavier that he made them out to be, but when we were walking home, he didn't let me help carry them. I start putting everything away, and occasionally nudge him with my foot when I go past him "You can't lie there forever, you know." I say "Where do you put potatoes?" I ask, having never bought them before.

"Anyvare… they're potatoes." He says, sounding half asleep. I want to pull him up off the floor, but carrying things back from the shop has made my bruises ache more than they had been previously, so I just leave him sprawling on the floor, hauling the potatoes into the corner.

"Are you just going to lie there?" I ask, prodding him with my foot.

"I need a shower…" he mumbled, still sounding half asleep. I shift awkwardly on my feet. I don't have a shower… or a proper bath "you got a shower here?" he asks, looking up at me. Half his face is smushed by the floor. I resist the urge to laugh at how silly he looks.

"I don't have one… I have a tub? I can put some water over the fire if you'd like?" I suggest nervously. I don't really like the idea of him knowing that I just bathe in a metal tub that isn't even very big, but I have no choice, because he does smell… from carrying the shopping so far.

"Huh? Don't you have like… hot water?" he asks, looking confused.

"N-not really… I'm sorry… I'll get the pot and boil some water…" I say, grabbing the big pot I use for the bath. It was in the house when I got here, and I think it was for the bath, because it doesn't fit on the hob… I turn the kettle on too, and put pans on the hob to heat up too. The tub is quite deep, but not very long… I have to sit in it, and I can't lie down like in some of the baths in the hotels my father and I would stay in.

"That much just for one bath?" he asks "What will you do?" he sits up, looking at me hurrying around.

"Oh… I can just… I'll take one tomorrow." I say uncertainly. The gas bill will go up, and my father will notice… then he might come home and find him here… He would not be happy. A sudden wave of guilt hits me as I think about how my father would react if he found out about Gilbert.

I walk out to the bathroom and pour a pan of boiling water into the tub. It sloshes in, making a metallic swirling noise. I bite my lip, nervously scratching at my arm. _No! Stop it! _A little voice in my head tells me, thinking about how Gilbert would react, but I can't help it. I scratch at the newly formed scabs until they bleed. I stare at what I did, horrified at myself. Why can't I stop!? It's not helping anyone, but I just feel so… awful for lying and conflicted about what to do, but now I just feel awful, because I'll make Gil worry about me even more, and I hate it.

I walk out of the room, with my sleeves down so he can't see and take the other pots off of the hob as they're boiling now. I empty them into the tub too, making more sloshing noises. I check on the big pot, but it will need a little longer.

"Why don't you just… take a bath with me?" he says, blushing bright red. I start to blush too as he speaks it "J-just a bath!" he says quickly "N-nothing else!" his face is beetroot red, and would be comical if mine weren't just as red.

"Uh- I- uh… Well… I just… uh…" I stumble over my words, not knowing what to say. He just walks into the bathroom, facing away from me and pulls his shirt off. I walk in after him, facing the other way. My top pulls off the tacky blood, making the arm I'd been scraping start to bleed afresh. Gil will see this and be upset… but I don't know what to do. He's expecting me to get in with him. I pull off my trousers and socks, noticing the blood slowly oozing from the cuts on my left arm.

A tinny splashy sloshing noise alert me that Gil is in the tub, so I quickly pull off my boxers and get in the tub, my hands over my crotch. I sit so I'm facing away from him, because I can't bear the thought of looking into his eyes and seeing his face with my arm still bleeding, dripping red inky swirls into the water.

"Mattie?" I hear him say warily. I say nothing and just grab the soap from the edge with my free hand "Mattie!?" he says louder, taking my other hand in his and holding my bleeding arm up "I thought you promised you wouldn't…" drops of blood drip into the water, being diluted and swirling down. I stay silent. Nothing justifies what I did. I felt anxious and scared so I did it. That's not a reason. That's never a reason, and yet I still did it. I blink back the tears in my eyes that threaten to spill.

"I-I'm sorry… I just…" I say, my voice hitching. I don't want to say this to him. I know how much it would hurt to hear. He'd feel useless. Even with his presence I'm still getting myself hurt. It's not fair.

"Don't." he says shortly, hugging me around the waist "You just… you need to look after yourself. You see those scabs?" I nod, leaning against him just a little, feeling awkward due to the nudeness associated with bathing "They're there because your body wants you to be vell. If you keep starving yourself to make ends meet, and hurting yourself vhen you feel like you've done something wrong, all you're doing is fighting vith yourself. I don't want you to be hurt or ill, and neither does your body, so take care of it. Because it's taking care of you." He says softly, stroking my sides.

I turn around and hug him tight, crying onto his shoulder "I-I'm sorry…" I tell him again, not wanting to hear his voice that pained again "I love you. I promise I'll stop. I promise!" say, as he gingerly sets his hands on my back "I just don't like feeling so guilty…"I say, my heart overflowing with emotion "I just… don't want to do anything wrong to anyone…"

"Well, you don't have to feel guilty over something you wanted to do." He says consolingly. I just hug him tighter, burying my face in his neck.

"Uh… Mattie…" Gil says awkwardly. I spring away from him, realizing that we're still naked.

"S-sorry!" I exclaim, blushing bright red, covering my crotch "I-I'm sorry… I-I'll just face the other way… so we can wash…" I say awkwardly. My brain is running in overdrive. I don't know what to do. I just turn around and grab the soap, starting to wash myself. I hear him moving behind me, washing himself too. There is an awkward silence, only filled with splashes of bathwater and the scent of the shower gel Gil bought at the store.

I hear him get out of the bath after a while, and wait for a moment before getting out too, wrapping myself with a towel "Um… I'll go change upstairs… your clothes are down here, right?" I say, standing on the balls of my feet.

"J-ja…" he says picking up his shirt and pulling it on. I walk out, going back up to my room, my feet leaving wet footprints on the wooden stairs. I shiver slightly. It's cold in here. I dry off quickly, pulling on a long sleeved jumper over my T-shirt and some casual jeans. There's no point in wearing uniform and pretending we went to school.

I walk back downstairs and see Gil drinking a can of beer "Want one?" he asks, holding a can out to me. I take it gingerly, not wanting to be impolite in not accepting it. It doesn't really taste nice, but I drink it anyway, smiling at him.

"Thanks." I say, leaning against his shoulder. He kisses the top of my head, putting an arm around me.

When we finish our beers, it's about time to leave, so I grab my jacket as it's getting kind of cold and I don't want to catch flu.

The walk to town is nice. We can hold hands and kiss outside, but not have to worry. There are loads of hay bales in the fields "Hey, recon I could climb on one?" Gil asks excitedly, running to the fence.

"If you want the farmer to tell you off…" I say, feeling a little nervous. He vaults over the fence, sprinting across the field haphazardly because of all of the dried and spikey plant remains "Carful Gil…" I call over to him as he starts trying to climb up the edge of the massive hay bale. It doesn't help that he's quite short, but he looks like he's struggling. He falls on his back a couple of time, getting a few scratches in the process. He just gets up and grins over at me, and tries running at it from different angles and scrambles up the side, always falling back onto his back again.

"How do I climb this thing!?" he exclaims, kicking it.

"I don't know!" I call back at him "We're gonna be late, Gil. Let's just go!" I tell him walking over and taking his hand, leading him back to the gate.

"Fine… but on the way back… I'm gonna do it!" he tells me, squeezing my hand, limping slightly.

"You hurt yourself… didn't you…" I say, looking at his leg.

"Nah, just a scrape." He says, pulling up his trouser leg. He's got a few scratches on his leg, some of them with a little bit of tacky blood on them "See, fine." He says smiling and taking my hand again. I smile back at him, glad he hasn't left me, even though I'm just making things worse for him.

He lets go of my hand as we get to town, with a sad look in my direction that says "You know what would happen if we were seen…" And I do know. Alfred doesn't get bullied about his dads because he's too oblivious and the bullies don't see the point in teasing him, and everyone's to scared to bully Berdwald and Tino, because Berdwald is really, really scary. If people were to see us though… they would, not to mention his family would hate him for "Shaming" them. I don't want to be responsible for that…

When we get to the café, his brother is already there with the friendly Italian boy I met on the first day. They're sat in a secluded corner, out of view. Ludwig brings us back to the table, sitting opposite Feli. I wave awkwardly, knowing that he knows. Gil is just grinning like a crazy person…

"Mein awesome bruder!" he says, pulling Ludwig into a tight hug. Ludwig doesn't look like he's enjoying the suffocation, but he doesn't complain, hugging him back a little.

"Ja… vhy vern't you in school today?" Ludwig asked, getting to the point.

"Didn't feel like it." Gil says cockily, without being phased "It's traumatic being kicked out, you know." He adds, without a drop of sadness. I know it hurt him, but he's not going to tell anyone else sincerely.

"Ja… look… I just want to tell you that I still think of you as my brother." Ludwig says, blushing slightly "And… Feliciano and I are dating…"

Gil goes silent for a moment, then an even bigger grin is plastered on his face "I knew it!" he says suddenly, punching the air doing a little dance of celebration. I smile; he's so funny sometimes, even though I know a lot of it is just for show, he's happy about his brother. Ludwig just blushes a little more, next to the Italian who isn't really paying attention, but doodling in a sketch book "Wait 'till you see what I got you for your birthday!" Gil exclaims happily "It's awesome!"

"Ja, I'm sure it is, now quiet down a little. This is a public restaurant. You can't shout like that." Ludwig chastises him out of habit.

"Fine, fine." He says, sitting down "This is so awesome!" He says, putting an arm around me, grinning. He looks so happy. I just smile politely at Ludwig, remembering what he told me on my first day. He seems so different from Gilbert… He's so sensible and hardworking, whereas Gil is… not. We're all in the same grade, but Gil was held back a year because his grades weren't good enough. I don't mind, so long as he moves up this year. It'd be really annoying if he stayed in that class forever.

"I've been speaking vith our father, and he's considering letting you back home, but your stunt with Rodreich's piano hasn't made anything better…" Ludwig says, frowning "You've pushed him really far… His patient doesn't go on forever, Gilbert." He adds, sounding a little sorry.

"It's fine." Gil says "I'm crashing at Mattie's place." Gil says, squeezing my shoulders. I smile shyly, not sure what to say.

"His parents aren't going to be happy with you staying there forever, Gilbert…" Ludwig tells him, little does he know that both my father would be furious, and that he won't be home for months…

"They don't mind, really!" I tell him, not wanting him to feel guilty about his brother staying in my home. I don't want to cause an argument. I just want everyone to be happy. A pretty waitress comes around to order our drinks; Gil uses his ID to get beer… again.

**Chapter 8 done! Lots of things yay! Updates will be slower! I'm sorry, but a LOT is going on, and this chapter has taken me a month to write, so please don't kill me! Again, ****I DO NOT SUPPORT SELF HARM IN ANY WAY**** IT IS JUST FOR USE IN THE PLOT. Question time!**

**Has Ludwig told his father about Feliciano?**

**Will Rodereich's piano EVER be the same again? (OMG DRAMA)**

**What kind of work is Mattie's dad really in?**

**When are we going to see more of Alfred and his family? **

**How are Antonio and Lovino?**


	9. Realizations

**Yay! Another update! I am happy to say that I am pretty much done with school now, and will be able to make more time updating as my exams are over for the time being! Thank you for the reviews, and your continued reading, though I am sorry for the slow updates! I will try to update faster! I promise! Anyway! I'll let you get on with reading this instead of bothering you with and A.N that you probably are skipping past anyways ^_^;**

We're back in school today, much to Gilbert's displeasure and moaning that he won't going to have as much fun with his brother tonight if he goes to school, but I told we had to go, and dragged him out of bed so we wouldn't be late for once.

We bandaged my arms last night, so they won't start bleeding on my clothes anymore, and Gil said they would heal faster like that. So now my arms from the middle of my upper arms to about my mid wrists are covered in white bandaging.

I finish covering my bruises while Gilbert sits in the kitchen sulkily eating the pancakes I made him. I thought maybe they'd brighten his mood, but apparently they had the opposite effect. I go upstairs to get dressed, out of my pyjamas and into my uniform like everyone else. One of the strangest things about being in England is the school uniforms. Having spent a lot of time around businessmen growing up, I have gotten used to adults wearing suits, but all the other children I saw, and seldom spoke to were never in uniforms, even on week days.

I check on Gilbert again once I'm dressed and he's almost finished his plate. I poke him a couple of times to hurry him up before going to my bag to get my books together. we have a boring day today, but PE last which will be a break in some respects, but doing anything but walk hurts my bruises a lot, and exercise still makes me dizzy.

I try not to let it show though, because I don't want to worry anyone with my problems. Gilbert has his own troubles and I don't want to draw any attention to myself at school because talking to lots of people is hard. I didn't expect to make any friends, but I already have two, and the boys that Gil likes to spend time with. I don't really know them very well though because I get too nervous to talk to them properly; a trait Gilbert finds annoying to no end.

I start to try to think of ways to get out of that PE lesson, or avoid changing in front of everyone, because covering some bruises is one thing, but covering cuts is harder to do, especially as they sometimes just start bleeding when I brush them against something too hard.

"Gil?" I ask walking back into the kitchen "Could I borrow your Jersey? I don't have anything with sleeves for PE…" I say, looking at my feet. I feel ashamed that I have to resort to hiding them, and that I now have to ask for help because of something I did, and something he hates me for doing.

"Ja sure…" He says sleepily, getting up from the table and staggering up the stairs to get dressed and get his jersey hopefully. I smile at him briefly, but can't keep the eye contact for very long, so I just check my bag again. I quickly brush my hair, making it look neat, except for the strange little curl which doesn't like being touched by anything, or at least I don't like it being touched.

He traipses back down the stairs on heavy feet; I can hear the steps groaning at being walked on so heavily. He's dressed scruffily and he has his jersey in his hand.

"Here…" He says, handing it to me, I put it in my PE bag, which I had been given by lost property and pick it up along with my regular school bag.

"Thanks" I say awkwardly, passing him his bag "I put your books in here ready for you…" I say, wanting to redeem myself in his eyes. I don't like his tired displeased expression; I feel like I've done something wrong, and it seems like all I can do is be nice to him and hope it's enough to stop him from hating me, even though he tells me he doesn't.

We start walking to school, and it does nothing for Gil's mood. He walks slowly, dragging his feet, and I have to keep telling him to speed up or we'll be late. I wonder if he is like this every morning.

He hadn't been like this yesterday, but I guess yesterday was different, due to everything that had happened. He looks really tired, but I don't know what to do to make him feel any better, so I just put on a smile and hope that his mood will improve as the morning goes on. We did wake up a lot earlier today too, so maybe that's why he's being so grumpy… maybe that's where the term grumpy gills came from… or was that a kids' movie…

When we get to school, it feels almost as if nothing's changed. I sit beside Gil in the back of the class for tutor registration. I guess he doesn't have to get up for school as early as I do usually, and that's why he still looks a bit tired, but I can see that he's putting on his signature smirk as he usually does. Ludwig looks over at me smiling briefly before being attacked by an Italian hug. I can see the other Italian boy sitting across the room, glaring and being spoken to by the Spanish boy who he was ignoring to stare at Ludwig.

Ludwig blushes slightly which was quite cute, considering how stoic he always seems to be. I smile looking at them, making his face go a little redder. Gil is trying not to laugh, seeing his brother struggling to keep his calm around the little Italian. Feli hugs everyone, so it's not like anyone would get suspicious of the two of them, unlike if Gil and I started hugging in class… people would probably start assuming things, and Gil was made to promise not to tell anyone about us being together, because his father doesn't like it, and I can imagine his father doesn't like him staying at my house, but he's the one who kicked Gilbert out, so I guess beggars can't be choosers.

The rest of the day until PE passes smoothly. We do lessons, and after seeing his brother being attacked with affection like that, Gil's mood certainly took a change for the better. We go to our lessons, and have our lunch and we head to the locker rooms early, so I can get changed without anyone seeing my cuts. I change as quickly as I can. I can feel Gil's eyes on me; I know he's looking at the cuts and the bruises and I know he must feel bad, because whenever I catch a glimpse of his face it seems solemn and looking elsewhere very quickly.

Once we finish changing, Gil decides that this is an opportune moment to steal a kiss or two as he cups my face in his hands and kisses my lips gently. We kiss for a few minutes until the bell goes. We're still very clumsy, occasionally knocking teeth or accidentally biting each other, but it's sweet none the less and it puts both of his in a better mood. When the bell goes, he stands away from me awkwardly, blushing a little, which shows up on his pale skin. I'm probably blushing too, or at least my face feels warm, so I think I am.

The PE lesson is hell. The football pitch is really muddy, and I don't have any cleats, so I keep slipping and falling in the mud when people tackle me. It's pathetic the amount of times I fall over, but luckily I'm not the only one, and by the end of the lesson, we're all covered in mud in one way or another.

I promised Alfred that I would go to his house after school today, because we haven't seen each other much. I tell Gilbert and he frowns but says it won't matter because he's going to see his brother today to go drinking. I know he doesn't really like me hanging around with people other than him, and I think he might get jealous for some reason, but I also think that perhaps he and Gilbert had a fall out at some point, and now they don't talk.

I walk home with Alfred as he goes on and on about how our team winning was all down to him, and if he hadn't been there, we would have lost the game. I smile and nod, like always. He like to boast, and I don't like to get in the way of what makes him happy, and it's always nice to see other people smile, even if you're not happy.

When we get to his house, Francis almost has a fit about the mud we traipsed through the door, and sends Al to go have a shower and get changed before telling me to come into the kitchen and have something to eat before I take a shower too.

"Oh no! I couldn't impose on you like that!" I say, feeling like I will owe him something for his kindness.

"You would be imposing more if you got that mud all around the house. Just take a shower when Alfred is done and you can borrow something of his as your clothes are so muddy." Arthur says in a matter of fact way that doesn't really let me argue with him.

"Oh… well if you say so." I say shyly. I really don't want to be a burden on them. Both Francis and Arthur do seem like lovely people, and I don't want to cause them any trouble.

"We do!" Francis says with a smile, handing me croissant. I smile and start eating it. It's been a while since I visited, so I started to forget how good Francis's cooking was, but it all comes back when I eat it.

"Matthew, Francis and I are a little concerned about how things are for you at home." Arthur starts to say, looking at me in a way that forces me to just look at my hands. My throat seizes up and suddenly I can't taste anything "You left too soon when we saw you at the super market, and we've never been allowed to drive you home…" He says, sounding as concerned as he claimed he was.

"If you need people to talk to, Arthur and I are always here, oui?" Francis says, putting a hand on mine. I nod quickly, my eyes pricking slightly. So this is how a real family is. Sure they argue and aren't perfect, but when it comes down to it they care… it's just a shame Alfred doesn't seem to appreciate it all that much.

"I-I know, but really, everything is fine." I say looking back up at them, putting on a little smile. I don't want them to worry about me. I don't want them to report my father. I don't want to get anyone else caught up in this.

Arthur sighs, putting his hands on his hips "If you say so, but really, if there is anything you want to talk about, we'll always be here, okay?" He says, his usual grumpy tone gone and replaced with a more caring one than he usually uses.

"It's really fine…" I tell him, not wanting to continue the topic. In truth, this is one of the hardest things I've had to do. I hate lying to people, and even worse I hate lying to people who really look like they care, but I can't hurt them. I can't let them get hurt by things that aren't even their fault.

Francis frowns a little, but drops the subject when Al walks in wearing a towel "Alfred! You have a guest! Go and get dressed!" Francis scolds him. He doesn't do any of the things my father does which I still find weird. He doesn't raise a finger against Alfred, or shout. His voice is a little raised, but he's certainly not bellowing.

"Matthew, take a shower and I'll get Alfred to lay you out something to wear." Arthur says walking me up the stairs. He briefly goes through the shower controls with me and leaves the room. I lock the door and undress. If I take a shower all of the chalk will come off too. I don't want them to see the bruises, and I don't think I could get away with saying they were from football, because they don't look enough like it.

I sigh in defeat, stepping into the shower, and using it like he told me to. Having had to get used to a lot of different showers, I don't find it too hard to get to work, and after almost burning myself with boiling hot water, I figure out how to use it, and it doesn't take too long.

The shower feels nice. The warm water flow is something that I've missed, living in my house. They have a plethora of colourful and expensive looking bath and shower crèmes and gels and scrubs and shampoos and conditioners, and I don't even know what I'm allowed to use. I just use the ones with suds still on from when Alfred must have used them.

I don't bother washing my arms. I'm worried that I'll make my, now glowing red, cuts open up again and start bleeding. Everything except my legs is tender to touch, so I carefully wash myself before washing my hair and step out of the shower.

I take a look at myself in the mirror. Maybe I am getting a bit too thin… I just don't want to spend too much money on food, and I feel bad using Gilbert's money for food, because it's his money and it wasn't given to me for food. His mother would want him to be happy. How would buying me food make him happy?

I have a lot of bruises which have all gotten darker under the hot shower and look really noticeable. My heart sinks at seeing the bruises so vividly on my face and neck; the ones I usually cover are by far the darkest. I still have some on my torso as well, making my heart sink. I can't look at my arms without feeling so much shame and guilt.

I try not to cry as I look at them; they're glowing red, not just the cuts themselves, but all around them is red too. I can't stand looking at it. It's hideous and I turn away to grab a towel. I dry off quickly, trying not to start off any more bleeding.

I pat my arms dry carefully, but no matter how gentle I am, there are cuts that just want to open and start bleeding. That's what I get for being so stupid as to make them… I grab some toilet paper and press it against the few that started bleeding again. They're the ones that seem to start bleeding again a lot… I must've cut deeper with them. The tissues turn red and don't stop the bleeding.

I can feel the tears pricking in my eyes again. The bleeding won't stop and I don't know what to do in this strange house in someone else's bathroom. I remember the bandages and quickly try to put them back on again, but it's hard when there's only me and I don't have Gilbert there to help me. I manage to put them on messily, tears in my eyes, from a mix of shame and fear that I'll constantly have to hide the scars even when the cuts are gone.

I pull on the clothes that Al left out for me and realize he only gave me a T-shirt and some jeans. I can't come out like this. They will definitely worry. The chalk is all gone from my bruises and they've been made darker by the heat, I had forgotten how bright they could be. When Ludwig had noticed, it wasn't so bad because I was cold and there was still some chalk on my neck, making the bruises seem a little less bad.

They're purple and yellow across my jaw and around my throat from when my dad visited. I miss him sometimes. I miss being told I'm nothing, because at least then I don't have to worry about being a disappointment. I miss not feeling guilty because I get what I deserve, and I miss not having to deal with people. I wish I could go back to the way things were. I miss staying in hotel rooms and reading the magazines or the bible they had in the drawers. I miss the quiet, and I miss not being noticed. I miss the times when I could just spend hours lying on a comfy bed, or talking to one of the women my father would leave me in the hotel rooms with.

They were always so pretty, and behind their smiles, they looked sad. I didn't like that, so I wanted to talk to them. I would spend hours talking to them sometimes, and they would always hug me and tell me to be strong, and I never really understood why I had to be. They told me that the world was a terrible place and there was always a debt to be paid, or someone to please. I never understood what they meant, but they were all so similar. Sometimes one would teach me to cook something, or try to teach me a little of her language. We travelled a lot, so I met lots of different women, and they were always so nice to me, and I never understood why.

I think I know now. I think they felt bad for me, because of the bruises I would always have, and the way my father would tell them not to tell anyone about me. I was a secret. I still am, I think. He told me once it was because the world was a dangerous place, and I was to careless not to get hurt in it, so I needed to be hidden. When I asked him about the other children, he just told me that their parents didn't care about them, and that caring parents were like him.

I truthfully believed him until today. The way Francis and Arthur have been to me doesn't feel like they don't care. It feels like they care so much.

I don't want to move. I can't move. Staying here seems nice. I could just curl up and stay in their bathroom forever, not leaving and just living in my head.

"Matteiu?" I hear Francis knocking on the door.

"Yes?" My voice sounds a little hoarser than I wanted it to, and a little hitched too.

"Are you okay?" He asks, I can hear him leaning against the door.

"Yes…" I say, not knowing what to do.

"Can I come in?" he asks. I don't move to unlock the door "Please? Just unlock the door so I can come in…" He says, sounding a little more concerned.

I unlock it, looking at my feet and let him in. Every move takes a lot of energy all of a sudden, and I have to urge myself hard just to stay standing. I can feel his eyes on me, and I can't say a word. My throat has closed up. He closes the door behind him and sits me on the lid of the toilet.

"Mattieu…" He says, sounding hurt "Didn't I tell you that you could tell us anything?" He says, taking my hands in his "Now, you have to tell me what's been going on. I promise not to tell anyone if you don't want me to, but I need to know who has been hurting you."

I can't do anything but look down at my hands, being held in his. His hands are bigger than mine, and the backs of his hands are all fluffy with blonde hair. I can't look him in the eye. I know I'll just start crying if I do.

"Please, talk to me." He says softly "Is it bullying at school? Is everything okay at home?" This is how a parent should be. I can see that now.

"I-It's nothing…" I say quietly, my voice hitching and my throat feeling tight.

"Mattieu, this is not nothing… please tell me" He says quietly "I need you to tell me what happened, and I need you to look at me and tell me the truth about what happened."

I look up at him, and I can't take it. His face looks so concerned and kind. It seems pathetic to me, but I just start to cry. He pulls me into a hug and lets me cry on his shoulder, wrapped in a warm embrace. My father never did this. I feel so terrible for hiding things from him, and ashamed of myself for not doing anything sooner. This is when I realize that my father didn't care.

I can't stop crying, and I'm glad the door is locked and I am glad that Arthur is distracting Alfred for me, and I am glad that Francis is just here holding me close. I had always thought that parents weren't really like this… I had always thought it was just on TV, and that inside people's homes it was different… but it isn't… And this feels right. I feel cared for. This is what I have missed. I had always thought that this kind of family was only on TV, but I had been wrong.

Francis just strokes my back soothingly and waits for me to calm down a little "Tell me what happened."

"I… I do things wrong… and… I-I have to be punished for it…" I say, my voice hitching. I hate this. This was not part of the plan "I… do it… myself when… when he's not… not home" I say, hating myself for every word. There is still something in me that is loyal to my father.

"He did this to you?" He asked, sounding shocked, and I nod quietly "And I suppose this was you?" He asks, looking at my arms. I nod again. "Would you like to stay here with us for a while, Mattieu?" he asks me sincerely. I shake my head.

"No… I need to go home… Gilbert is staying with me while my father is gone…" I tell him, too tired of lying and hiding the truth from him. To my surprise, he nods understandingly.

"Let me at least drive you home." He says, without questioning me any further "I want to re-bandage your arms, would that be okay?" He asks kindly, opening a cabinet and pulling out a first aid kit.

I nod letting him undress the bandages and replace them, doing a better job than both Gil and my attempts. He doesn't question me any further, just concentrates on bandaging my arms as painlessly as possible. He doesn't tell me off like my father would, or chastise me for being so stupid, he just looks sad.

After he finishes, he gets me a hoodie from Alfred's room and gives it to me. I thank him again and apologize for the trouble, but he tells me it's nothing to worry about, and that I should wash my hands because dinner is almost ready.

I do as I'm told, washing my hands and drying my face. I walk down the stairs nervously, I don't want Alfred to see the bruises, but I don't think there's much of a way out. I can't look at any of them when I walk in, so I just sit in my place and start eating.

"You didn't have those earlier, what happened?" Alfred asks, almost on queue. My throat gets tight and I'm not hungry any more.

"He fell in the bathroom, that's all, Alfred." Francis says quickly. I know he doesn't like lying about it by the look he sends across the table to Arthur. I can only guess that they're keeping it from Al so that he doesn't go and tell the whole school.

"Damn… looks like you fell bad!" he exclaims, gawking at me from across the table.

"Alfred, it is impolite to stare." Arthur chastises. Alfred rolls his eye and gets back to eating his dinner.

After we finish eating, Francis offers to drive me home and for the first time, I agree. I get into his car, it smells like car smell, and feels a little tinny, but the only cars I really travel in are my father's cars, and they're all big old cars that smell of leather and have so much suspension that you don't know it's even going anywhere. Francis's car is nice, but it feels different.

I direct him to my home, knowing Gilbert won't be home for hours. We drive out of town and down narrow country lanes until we reach my home. Francis almost drives past it, but I tell him to turn into a narrow drive so that we get to my home.

"This is your home?" He asks, looking dubious. There is smoke puffing from the chimney, and ivy climbing up the wall.

"Yes." I say nodding and stepping out of the car "Thank you for everything." I tell him, grateful for so many things.

"Okay, Mattieu. I need to go home, but you will be okay, oui?" He asks kindly. I nod.

"Yes, I'll be just fine." I say, walking to my door and opening it. Today was exhausting, so I just go up to bed, without changing out of Alfred's clothes that I was given.

**Welp! That was the longest chapter I've written ever! Sorry that the updates have been slow, I'm really out of routine now it's the holidays, but I'm working on it! Anyway! Question time!**

**Will Alfred ever suspect anything, or will he just continue being oblivious?**

**What will Francis do, knowing now what he does?**

**Just how drunk did Gilbert manage to get himself?**

**When will Mattie's father come back next?**

**Will Ludwig be able to convince his father to let Gilbert come back home?**

**Reviews are love, and it always makes my day when I get them, even if it's just to say "Cool story bro" But I'd like to know your opinion! Which is why I ask questions! Please review if you like the story! The more reviews I get, the faster I will write!**


	10. not an update

**I'm really sorry that this isn't a proper update, and I hate, HATE doing these, but I just felt like I needed to say that over the next week I will be on holiday, so there won't be any updates. I have been working on updates, but I didn't get them finished in time, but don't worry, I will update as soon as I can, but I just need a break to get away from my computer and stuff. **

**There is a tiny chance I will update, as I am visiting my nan, and she may let me use her laptop, but I feel that I will most likely be too busy. I will work on all my stories in my notebook, and so that next few chapters should be quite good... hopefully.**

**I'm also sorry for the slow reviews, but there have been a lot of things going on, even though I'm no longer at school. My depression has taken a turn for the worse in the past few weeks, and so I really haven't felt like writing anything. I thank you for your understanding and patience, and I will update soon.**


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